Unbundled Civility

Let’s have an honest talk about the good old days.

And, please bear with us. This is going to go a little long.

Civility and discourse seem to be on the wane as the instantaneous nature of communication becomes more and more ubiquitous in our everyday lives.

It appears as though society has traded civility, good manners, good breeding and other elements of moral and Godly character, for an increase in perceived authenticity, the freedom to air our “dirty laundry,” and unload embarrassing baggage, not only on social media, but increasingly in the workplace, the church and the school.

Along with this comes the exchange of grace and forgiveness for the freedom to judge any mismatch of words and deeds, to take measure and revel in spectacle.

Thus, incivility becomes a new form of pornography—briefly gratifying when we are being “true to ourselves” and emotionally “authentic” at the workplace meeting table–but leaving behind a wake of emotional, psychological and moral damage upon others.

George Washington diligently copied in school 110 maxims for proper behavior, that were initially hand written and passed down from Jesuit scholars in the 16^th century and were titled Biensance de la Conversation entre le Hommes (Decency of Conversation among Men).

They come from a time before the 21^st century, when social conduct was considered more than just a sign of good breeding. Proper social conduct then, was part of the pavement on the road to success, along with grit, conscientiousness and perseverance.

But what about now?

Culture is changing because of three things:

The speed of our communication
The irreverence of our communication
The disruption of long standing social mores

The conflicts of the 21^st century in organizations of all kinds, will be between the vocal minority (also composed of the silent majority) who will hold to the rules of civility in discourse, no matter what the platform.

And those who will appear to be the majority (who may in fact be in the minority) who will throw the rules out in favor of the illusion of freedom, authenticity and the easy path.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HIT Piece 07.22.2014

I haunt bookstores, seeking the rarest of items.

A muscular, fictional novel (not a genre title) that can be marketed to and for men.

You know, those people that work in the United States, but statistically speaking don’t read nearly as much as young adults and women.

Genre titles are great, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not looking for the next James Patterson, John Grisham, Lee Child or Dean Koontz.

I’m looking for the writer of novels about men (with women and children, of course), and the modern male experience, that is going to draw men into the bookstore, and onto the tablet device.

And away from the video game, film, tv, and outdoor sports industries.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Masculinity in Conflict-#ElliotRodger’s Edition

Another day, another mass shooting by a disaffected, young Caucasian male, and another day of the aftermath.

Not to be flip, but we have blogged about the importance of work, the damaging effects of envy and the nature of male violence before.

Because, unfortunately, this has happened before.

Now, we don’t know the killer’s mental health history, or deep family history, or life history, but a few things are clear:

He was sexually frustrated
He was envious of those around him
He was 22 years old

Conflict occurs when there is a deep disagreement between two sides of an issue about something that matters.

Conflict continues when there is no resolution—or reconciliation—for that disagreement and thus no opportunity for catharsis.

We have blogged before about the solution to all of this, and its men.

Not changing the culture.
Not blaming the use of guns.
Not tearing down our already limited, mental health system.
Not taking to Twitter.

Because, as necessary as all of those conversations may be, it is no substitute for grown, adult, emotionally literate, responsible men taking responsibility for their lives, their wives, their children and their communities.

And men must step up and do this, if conflicts (which begin internally and explode externally) such as the one that Eliot Rodger was clearly suffering from, will abate.

Because misogyny, anger, self-righteousness, envy, jealousy all start in the home.

-Peace Be With You All-

Masculinity in Conflict – 2014 Edition

Masculinity is characterized in many ways, and in a country with 92 million Americans no longer in the labor force, we here at Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT), wonder what the impact of that could be on both men and women.

Work gives life meaning. It doesn’t matter whether you are the Christian and Jewish God of the Old Testament, the scholar consumed with the workers and the bourgeoisie or the creator of a political party dedicated to the death of people, work gives meaning.

Here in this space, we have blogged previously about the issues that men face and the very public methods that they sometimes use to resolve them. Violence is never an answer to a conflict, but unfortunately, it seems as though violent response by men to any and all perceived slight, has been codified in our culture, from video games to the movies.

We believe that each person is responsible for their own level of self-awareness and is accountable for their own actions, and that men are particularly held to a higher standard.

This is an “old school” philosophy that may reverberate with some readers as being misogynistic or narrow, but when men cease committing the majority of violent crimes and the majority of violent wars, then we’ll take a step back.

But, what does this have to do with work?

Work creates freedom. It allows for meaning, creativity, growth and fertility.
Work fosters connection. It creates the situations and environments that allow for the growth of human beings through connecting with others
Work develops character. It creates not only commitment, responsibility, accountability and purpose, but it also incentivizes actions that lead to more character.

But, what if there is no work?

Then masculinity (and by extension, femininity) must be redefined.

We here at HSCT would rather see that happen through the efforts of men who are committed to doing the hard work of work with other men, than through a wandering George Zimmerman or a gun-wielding, angry 14 year old.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/