HIT Piece 11.10.2015

There’s a philosophical idea at the heart of mediation—and most conflict resolution services and processes—that the person who acts as the “third party” should be neutral in a conflict between two parties.

Neutrality is a tough concept for parties to accept, which is why many parties prefer to retain the services of an advocate or, further out, a judge.

Neutrality is a tough concept to accept because, deep in our conflict scenarios, lies competing desires to both be right, and to win.

Neutrality is a tough concept to accept because, many people in conflict can’t see themselves as being neutral participants in their own conflicts, much less acting neutrality in the face of other people’s conflicts.

Advocacy is an easier concept to accept (as is rendering judgment) because giving help and rendering empathy are a deep part of the relational aspects of conflict. They are reinforced through social proofing and other means.

The role of the third party as neutral is the hardest role in a conflict scenario and the philosophical structure of neutrality has not been fully justified as a need to a Western public, much less to many individuals in the field of which I am a part. At the philosophical heart of resolving conflict is this ephemeral search for a truly, deeply neutral third party.

The search will continue, for as long as conflicts are relational, neutrality will be the ineffable goal.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HIT Piece 11.03.2015

If you haven’t seen the film Election, directed by Alexander Payne and starring Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Broderick, go get it on Netflix and stream in right now.

[HIT Piece] 11.03.2015

The script, from the movie released in 1999, shows the results and feedback loop that power, strategy and the ruthless pursuit of position can have in electoral politics.

And all wrapped up in the context of a high school student government election in Omaha, Nebraska. The director, Alexander Payne has directed many other films and brings a European sensitivity to Midwestern American dramatic situations, people and aesthetics.

In light of the results of your local elections yesterday and in light of the current political gamesmanship going on in American electoral national politics, it’s worth looking at.

And all before the era of social media, virality, the commonality of cell phones, and even the ubiquity of the Internet.

-Peace Be With You All-

[Contributor] Glass Houses: Social Interactions for the Modern Age

Contributor – Alexander Gault
Follow Alex on Twitter @AlexanderBGault

As the popular adage goes “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”

Essentially, this means that people who have certain weaknesses shouldn’t criticize others for those same issues. However, a new spin to this old saying can be used.

Now, people live in those glass houses by putting their information all over the internet, and throwing stones is just saying something that might be damaging to themselves or others.

Many people in the first world have a social media account of some kind.

Older generations tend to favor Facebook, the youth of today favor Twitter and Snapchat, and Instagram is used by anyone with a camera phone. With these social medias, we put our thoughts, feelings, and lives out into the world for almost everyone to see.

This is not without consequence.

Let’s start at a fairly low level of how this impacts our lives; our real life social interactions.

If you post something to your social media account that, for example, contains an anti-gay marriage quote, and you have any gay co-workers, friends, classmates, or acquaintances who follow you on that account, most likely they will, at the very least, ask you about it later, making a fairly uncomfortable conversation out of the topic. More often than not, however, they might not talk to you, consider you anti-gay and sever their ties, and in a more extreme case, band together with other pro-gay marriage individuals to shut you out of any group you may have been in with them.

The next level would be professional interactions, with businesses, employers, or contractors.

If you post something considered very out-of-line with the ideology of a potential employer, you could lose your chance of getting that job. This could include making political remarks, talking about various social deeds deemed less than respectable, talking about drinking, partying, breaking laws. While many people don’t consider their social media at all connected with their jobs and professional life, many businesses look at the internet personas of their potential employees, and even current employees, to ensure their business is being well-represented among its employee-base.

For younger people, colleges are another potential pit-fall when it comes to social media.

Many colleges look at prospective students social media accounts to see what the student puts on there. The college may look for posts about how the student feels about that particular school, the student’s personal life, and even the language used. One misplaced swear-word can end a student’s chances at a top-tier school before the Admissions department even sees their application.

Even high schools are getting on the train. Some districts employ full-time social media monitors to keep a watchful eye on the social media environ that surrounds the student body. They mainly keep an eye out for excessive online bullying, threats between or at students, potential inappropriate student-teacher interactions, and terror threats by students. These monitors can suggest disciplinary actions for any student they take issue with, from detention to expulsion, depending on the severity of the infraction. And many of these schools have no set code delineating how their social media monitors make these decisions, leaving it to the discretion of the district.

Social media accounts are a double-edged sword.

They create a dangerous ecosystem for people to destroy their own and others’ lives, sometimes unwittingly. They create a system where people can remove their own privacy, put their private lives on display for all levels of society and business, and subject themselves to immeasurable pain in the process. But social media also allows those who use it properly to grow, develop new connections, maintain old friendships, and keep themselves informed.

Social media is a dangerous weapon, and with all weapons, its users must understand the dangers before they can enjoy the benefits.

Alexander Gault-Plate is an aspiring journalist and writer, currently in the 12th grade. He has worked with his schools newspapers and maintained a blog for his previous school. In the future, he hopes to write for a new-media news company.

You can follow Alexander on Twitter here https://twitter.com/AlexanderBGault.

HIT Piece 10.27.2015

There are not many ways to grow (or scale) past merely being a solo entrepreneur, freelancer, or consultant.

You can “productize” a process (see Brian Casel’s approach for more about this), or you can develop a product that you can sell repeatedly, such as a workshop, or even a seminar.
You can begin to charge more for developing a process or a product for a client (Seth Godin promotes this approach), but that only generates more revenues, which conflates the illusion of growth with the presence of revenues.
You can take on larger and larger clients, with larger and larger contracts, which give the illusion of running a business, but is really just expensive freelance labor. And when the project (no matter its size) is over, then you have to let the people you hired go. Or try to get an equal size, or bigger, contract for the next go around.
You can also develop a software product, funded through business revenues, that supports a piece of a business process and then sell that solution to other solo entrepreneurs, freelancers and consultants.
You can produce white papers, blog content, e-books, audio content (podcasts, audio white papers, etc.), or even self-publish a book and put it out through Amazon. And then you can create more workshops and content around that.

But at some point, the solo entrepreneur, freelancer or consultant must hire other people to grow and must begin generating significant profits to support other people’s livelihoods, or else what you do remains as confining as the employment you left to start your project. Inspirational speakers from Zig Ziglar to Tony Robbins have made the leap. So have many others.

It’s a hard jump.

The hard part to solve with what I do, the way that I do it, through Human Services Consulting and Training is there are three elements for me to consider before growing to be large enough to potentially hire another person to do the work I do now:

Business philosophy – I want to hire somebody who is ethical and who will have such an ethical compass that they will be able to spot problems before even I see them. Not cautious, just prudent.

Personal philosophy – I want to hire somebody who has a strong, positive, moral core: The question “What will you do so that we can make a profit together?” has to be answered in a moral fashion, rather than just a financial one. After all, when (not if) an immoral choice has consequences, the name on the front door is mine. Not theirs.

Societal philosophy – I want to hire somebody who can believe, exemplify and live, the societal philosophy that’s on the back of all of my business cards “Helping YOU ethically attain PEACE in your life.” This is a societal call for peace through self-awareness first, and everything else second.

Even without these three considerations, scaling would be hard. Which is why so many solo entrepreneurs, freelancers, and consultants stay singular, stay small, and are frustrated by the level of impact they have in their niche—and outside of it.

I’m not frustrated. And I’m not in a hurry. I’m out here walking around, looking around for someone.

See: [Genesis 18:23-33] for a living example of this conundrum.

-Peace Be With You All-

HIT Piece 10.20.2015 – On Coming Out of The Dip

No one tells you when you’ve come out of the dip.

No one tells you when “the worst is over.”

When a storm passes of epic (or sub-epic) proportions, human beings poke their collective heads out of their collective homes, caves, hovels and shells, and collectively sigh a sigh of collective relief.

Then they repair the damage, pick up the pieces of their lives, their homes, their communities and move on.

Or not.

But the moving on has to come from an internal source. When an external voice tells a person to “move on” or “just get over it,” or “this will all seem better at the end” human beings tend to reject those statements because they feel to the hearer as facile as they sound coming from the speaker.

I’ve said those statements to other people in the dip, in crisis moments, and in the aftermath of trauma. I have said them after searching my heart and my mind for something profound to say that would sum up the feelings surrounding the surviving of a moment, a dip or “when the worst is over.”

I’ve failed miserably and repeatedly said those words to other people.

And now, that I’m coming out of my own year and a half long dip with my business, I feel that those sentiments are just as fruitless for me to say to myself in my own head, on repeat as they are for me to say to others.

No one tells you when you’ve come out of the dip.

No one tells you when “the worst is over.”

You have to hope that telling yourself is good enough to prepare you psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually (not to mention materially) for the next dip.

-Peace Be With You All-

HIT Piece 10.13.2015 – 7 Areas Of Influence

There are seven areas–or “rules”–of psychology, studied by Robert Cialdini, “lock in” to each other in a hierarchical, top down structure and create a context for persuasion and influence to be effective. They are as follows:

Reciprocation – the rule that states we should repay, in kind, what another person has provided to us
Commitment and Consistency – the rule that states that once we take a stand, we will encounter personal, interpersonal and social pressures to behave consistently with our position, even if we change our minds
Social Proof – the rule states that we determine what is correct by finding out what other people think is correct
Liking – the rule states that we would prefer to say “yes” to those whom we personally like
Authority – the rule states that we follow orders when people in authority give us orders whether we agree with the order or not, or like the person, or not
Scarcity – the rule states that opportunities seem more valuable to us when their availability is limited
Consensus—The rule of consensus states that people need to “be on the same side” (or at least enough of them) to be able to “get to agreement” around an idea

Look again at the seven areas.

Peace building and creating agreements around the negotiation table relies on these seven areas moving together, the next building inexorably on top of the last, so that the other party is convinced that a negotiated agreement is the best outcome for all parties involved.

As I have been writing this blog for going on three years now, the one question I used to get asked the most (“How do you get the energy to do what you do?”) has faded and now there is a sense of a desire for commitment and consistency. Cautious desire for continued commitment and consistency is evident now, when I talk about this blog, and all my other content development efforts. Because after three years, I’ve moved from mere reciprocation (I give you “free” content, you give me your email) to commitment and consistency (I show up and write everyday).

The social media following I have built is partly based on social proofing, but also based on liking and a sense of authority. Because, the thinking goes, “No one would blog consistently for three years about conflict management if they weren’t at least committed.”

The mindset of scarcity though, still dominates many in my audience, and truth be told, I have felt the fear of it as well. But it only comes when I launch something new, like the podcast, or adopt a different perspective on an old area and then publish that perspective.

Consensus is the last on the list, because it’s the last one to develop. Influence grows when consensus is cemented.

Peace builders know all about consensus and struggle against it in their personal, business and professional lives, even as they seek it for their clients and people in conflict.

After all, negotiation is all about getting to consensus.

Right?

The seven areas have been dominate on my mind for a while now as my following and voice grows. The only one I worry about is the consistency one.

Because that’s the only area that I have control over.

Just like it’s the only true area that you have control over in your life.

-Peace Be With You All-

HIT Piece 10.06.2015

Jack Nicholson asked a question in a movie back in the 1990’s that sums up the fears that I have now.

And it’s a good legitimate question (as far as that can take a movie question), but the premise behind it is ultimately flawed, thus making it not that good of a query.

The question comes from a place of self-agency and fear.

A place of doubt and tribulation.

The question is asked by a character (for after all, Jack is an actor and inhabits a character, not the other way around) who’s movie reality is perilous at best.

But there is truth in fiction. Sometimes more truth, than even in the fact that we live our daily lives in. And, I’m a huge fan of movies anyway, so of course this is implanted in my mind and floats up, unbidden, in times of doubt.

“What if this is as good as it gets?”

Metrics, KPIs, measurements, means testing and outcomes based research are all great for attempting to quiet the deeply animal parts of our brains. The parts that scream at us. The parts that are fueled by fear of the future, a desire for selfish comfort and possess a belief only in our own agency, rather than collaboration with others.

This moment, right now, isn’t as good as it gets. The premise is flawed, and thus the question can be rejected, as well as any conclusions that come forth from it.

-Peace Be With You All-

[Advice] KPIs for Conflict Resolution Skills Training

We talked about KPI’s (key performance indicators) for New Years’ Resolutions toward the end of 2013.

It was pointed out to us at a workshop recently that, while our content was compelling and valuable, there seemed to be no KPI’s or metrics to indicate to the organization (or any organization that would hire us) that our training had any long-term value.

Good point.

As a result, we went back and though about our recent posts on CRaaS (here and here) and how to integrate conflict resolution skills training into the workplace, and came up with some relevant KPI’s and metrics.

Follow along with us:

The primary KPI for conflict resolution training is to measure changes in levels engagement at the supervisory/management level. This can primarily be accomplished through having reports and higher-ups engage in 360 degree evaluations with special emphasis on conversations with impacted employees, with a particular focus on quality, frequency and type.
The second way to measure performance improvement at the entry and mid-level positions, is by tracking reductions in registered complaints and concerns, reductions in reported and perceived conflicts and tracking reductions in sick day/vacation day usage by entry level employees, interns and others who are front facing but rarely receive training or mentorship.
Finally, measuring increases in productivity is hard. However, increased customer engagement, overall employee satisfaction and measuring employee retention, goes a long way toward measuring the efficacy of conflict resolution skills training in your organization.

Of course, if you don't want to measure in these three areas, you could always track reductions in lawsuits and litigation efforts by employees, supervisors, managers, customers and others.

HIT Piece 09.29.2015

Referrals used to be the ‘redheaded stepchild’ of the sales process.

Back in the day (and even with some organizations selling products and services even now) referrals were philosophically relegated to the back bin of the sales pitch. They were (and still are) seen as the fallback position of a sales person who “can’t close” with a prospective customer.

But, now that technology has stolen the one thing that separated a sales representative from the rest of us—information about a product or service—referrals are increasingly seen as the only way forward to even talking to a prospect in the first place.

When I attend meetings and when I network, I talk about what I do very briefly and wait for two things to happen:

The story of what I do to catch up to the other person’s story of what I do

And

The other person to decide that what I do is “too hard for them to explain to someone else.”

At that point, where both of those stories intersect, that is where the referral light begins to shine in their eyes.

Some products and services work better with interruptive marketing, poor customer service and pushy, insistent selling. In many sectors, the number of those products and services are decreasing by the day. There are other products and services that work better based on relationship, stories, referrals and networked connections. The number of those are increasing by the day.

For some of us, this is a scary prospect and there are multiple ways to address those fears. For those of us not bound to dogma and ready to take a chance to do some things that might not scale (i.e. might not “sell”) this is an exhilarating prospect.

-Peace Be With You All-

HIT Piece 09.22.2015

You probably don’t have “what it takes” to found a start-up.
You probably don’t have “what it takes” to learn how to play an instrument.
You probably don’t have “what it takes” to build a business.
You probably don’t have “what it takes” to write a book.
You probably don’t have “what it takes” to paint a picture.
You probably don have “what it takes” to do any of these scary things.

So, you’ll probably vacillate, hem and haw, and eventually go work at a 9-to-5 job, consume content other people create through your mobile phone, watch some television and go to bed.

Don’t feel bad.

I didn’t “have what it takes” to do any of the things I mentioned above.

And, in many ways, I still don’t.

So, I just went out and did those hard things anyway.

The people who write, and opine, about how hard it is to do what they do (or how easy it is, let’s be honest) aren’t doing you (or me) any favors. Zig Ziglar said repeatedly over his 50 years long career (which he didn’t think he could do either, and which he started in his mid-40’s) that “There’s always room at the top. It’s getting out of the bottom that’s hard.”

-Peace Be With You All-