[Strategy] 20-80-100

80% of the conflicts in your organization will be solved by 20% of the people in your organization.

And, not all of those people will have positional titles, effective job descriptions, or even work in “traditional” departments that “are supposed to” address conflicts.

Pushing the frontier of who gets what, so that the majority gets more value out of the conflict resolution process, should be the goal of all organizations.

But, there’s a ceiling on that value, generated by competing goals and desires, differing value placed on outcomes and the lack of ability for some in an organization to accept the efficacy of pursuing more than one outcome.

As long as 20% of the people in organization are overcoming 80% of the ceilings in 100% of organizations, the ceiling on claiming value will not move effectively.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

[Advice] The Struggle is Real

As Christians, we struggle with two competing forces: The World and The Word of God.

The world celebrates “getting ahead” by ignoring, discounting or even overthrowing earthly authorities that have been set-up in high places, who are gambling with our money and our livelihoods, and then shrug off the consequences of those decision as corporate, governmental and nonprofit “best practices.”

The Word of God celebrates “getting ahead” by acknowledging that an omniscient, omnipresent, God can’t be placed in a box, that authority is endowed upon men–not by or through men, but by and through that all knowing God–and that faithful service—particularly to people, and institutions, we do not agree with (or even personally like) is the way ahead.

Now, this last part of the Word of God, is demonstrated throughout the Old Testament in multiple books, but most prominently in the book of Daniel. Daniel served four kings (Nebuchadnezzar, Belshazzar, Darius and Cyrus) as well as he could; but, he never abandoned his faithfulness to God, nor did he abandon telling any of the kings the truth about their rule, even when it lead to uncomfortable and life threatening consequences.

This last part is important.

In a conflict, or dispute, in the Church and elsewhere, Christians often begin any conversation with us around conflict resolution or engagement with, “How do we tell the Truth to each other in love?” This is the wrong question for many reasons, but the primary reason is that the question assumes that Christian love and Biblical Truth are somehow mutually exclusive. It also presumes that faithful service can either be rendered with one, but not the other.

Most conflicts in the church won’t result in Believers being thrown into the lion’s den, threatened with death, separated from their families, or even being outright killed. Most unresolved contemporary church conflicts, will result in loss of position, hurt feelings, loss of face and general uncomfortability.

But, this is far below the cost of telling the Truth in love. But this cost can only be paid, if the truth teller is operating in the Holy Spirit and is serving with faithfulness, with their focus on God, rather than having their focus on earthly representation of that authority.

And by the way, if the Christian is serving a secular authority, in an organization, or business, this goes double for them.

The Truth is the Truth. But let’s not mix up the truth of the world around “getting ahead” with the Truth of God’s Word, around being in service to authority.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

[Advice] 3 Entrepreneurial States

There are three emotional states that can catch hold of the entrepreneurial peace builder as she is building her project:

The fear which is accompanied by every new decision
The exhilaration when a client is helped and “closed’
The dread of returning to working for “the Man”

The employee mindset is built on the idea of stability, predictability and “money that will always be there.”

The employee mindset still dominates, even in our post-Industrial world.

This mindset also tolerates bad behavior, ego driven decision making, and gives away its autonomy for dollars.

The detoxification process than the savvy peace builder experiences as she moves confidently through dread, fear and exhilaration, while also holding onto her employee life, ensures that—once her definition of success is realized—she will never go back to “golden handcuffs” ever again.

And she’ll be no good to any large organization—other than as an equal to be negotiated with, a competitor to be crushed or a morsel to be gobbled up.

The three emotional states—and their impacts— are integral to overcome because the road back to the “golden handcuffs” is a long one indeed.

-Peace Be With You All-

[Strategy] Top 4 Outcomes of Emotional Intelligence

In a negotiation, absolute emotional intelligence corrupts certain outcomes.

Outcomes where one party feels as though they were take advantage of
Outcomes where both parties feel as though the negotiation was a waste of time and effort.
Outcomes where one party isn’t sure that the other party dealt with their needs in “good faith”
Outcomes where both parties feel as though they are handcuffed to each other by virtue of the way in which agreement was concluded

Absolute emotion intelligence feels unattainable for many negotiators, because caring about someone else’s motivations and emotions, opens the door to cooperative—rather than coercive—power.

And, let’s admit, coercion sometimes feels good. But isn’t it our higher calling, to put aside what feels good in the moment, to do what is good for the long-term?

Even if the long-term is defined by the parameters of the contract language…

-Peace Be With You All-

[Infographic] A Guide to Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence has been a researched concept for many years, but with the authoring of books like Mindsight by Daniel J. Siegel and Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman, E/I has been reintroduced for a new generation.

Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence served as the basis for a lot of the information in this infographic. And with the advent of advances in nueroscience, more and more of what he talked about in he 1990’s has been proven to be true. We would encourage you to check out his book and add it to your personal—and organizational—conflict library.

(c) 2015, Human Services Consultign andTraining, All Rights Reserved

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-Peace With You All-

[Advice] A Positive No

The moment that you are ready to leave the office, complete a project, take a phone call, or meet a deadline, another person walks up.

This person has other priorities, but finding out what those are is not the thing that you are interested in, but that person makes sure to tell you all about their priorities.

The thing about time management is that managing other people is the unsung, unconsidered hardest thing to do.

Other people have their own priorities, and we are too embarrassed, too distracted, or too disinterested to discover what they are.

This is when the positive no, or the sandwich no, becomes the best way to address the energy vampires (or time sucks) that other people can be sometimes.

It goes something like this:

“Thank you for coming to me with [insert whatever the topic is here]. No, I don’t have time to talk about this right now. But, please come back [name a definitive later time here] and I will talk with you then.”

Then, put that time vampire on the calendar, turn around, and walk away firmly. This last part is important, because many people can’t close the conversation.

When using a positive no—or a sandwich no—remember to always be closing.

-Peace Be With You All-

[Advice]The 3-Fold Path to Self-Awareness

The more work we do through training others to get in touch with themselves, the more and more surprised we are by how few people in organizations are in touch with themselves.

There are three pieces to self-awareness:

The ability to be vulnerable—which is typically translated as “the ability to be wrong,” but that’s a misnomer and faulty definition. Being vulnerable means knowing when to show your heart…and when to keep it hidden.
The ability to be authentic—which is usually confused with being vulnerable, but that’s a surface understanding. Being authentic means being able to let down your emotional guards enough to “make a fool of” yourself, and to be able to accept the consequences of what that means.
The ability to be transparent—which is usually transposed into the question asked most often in our trainings: “Do I really have to tell my [insert name of group I’d rather not be transparent with here] everything that I do?” No. But in order to become self-aware, the first step toward being emotionally literate, a person has to be comfortable with honesty and beyond the crippling effects of shame.

Without attaining those three pieces of self-awareness–vulnerability, authenticity, and transparency–getting to emotional literacy will be impossible for any individual.

And in the organization of today—and the future—emotional literacy, spearheaded with self-awareness, will be the trait of leadership that separates organizations which thrive from those that merely survive.

-Peace Be With You All-

[Advice] The Hard Thing About Now Its Too Late

The savvy peace builder is either all in—or not.

But, at a certain point, financial realities take over and the rent must be paid, or the electric bill, and the savvy peace builder must make the choice to make making peace a side hustle.

Now, typically the word hustle comes with negative connotations, but mostly it should be associated with little sleep and much success.

But, when the main work (the 40 hour grind) takes over more and more time and energy from the hustle that matters (the peacemaking pursuit) the savvy peace builder will sometimes kill the side hustle by dividing time away from it even further.

This is how many entrepreneurial ventures end, dissected and subdivided under the scalpel of the 40 to 60 hour work week and the “sure” thing that brings security, a steady paycheck and fewer uncomfortable conversations with spouses and children.

The tough decision—the hard thing about this hard thing—is that diversification of focus and talents leads to more work not less; but making the decision to keep it to one-and-a-half hustles makes all the difference between “man I’m glad I lost sleep to build this project” and “man, I wish I’d taken the time when I had it to build this project. But now it’s too late.”

Now, it’s too late.

-Peace Be With You All-

The Abstraction of Focus

Time, much like values, beliefs, emotions and even the intellect, is an abstraction. In the agricultural past, humanity measured the passage of time by the sun, the moon and the changing of the seasons.

Before industrialization commoditized time as a thing that could be measured in finite amounts, European and Asian explorers took to the seas navigating, first by the stars, then by the clock.

But in our post-industrial world, where everyone is engaged in the cult of busyness, managing the abstraction of time has become a daunting task. This leads many of us to feel inadequate, unfocused and out of balance.

Attaining focus is one of the three key elements in the battle to manage time, followed by mindfulness and managing distractions that come in the form of other people.

Focus and attention—from a psychological perspective—are getting scarcer in our post-modern world, rather than time, which remains a constant. Recognizing the fact of scarcity of focus in our world and ruthlessly pursuing the attaining of focus is worth attempting to cultivate for long-term internal and external success.

-Peace Be With You All-

7 Points of Articulation

As journalism continues to crumble, thought leaders and cultural critics still write about blogging with a rhetorical sneer.

But, we don’t know of any other way for an aspiring writer (or journalist) to gain an audience before getting the job title.

In essence, the process for developing a resume has changed from writing down accomplishments on an 8.5 x 11 inch piece of paper and then showing up at a scheduled time to engage in a false dance and (hopefully) get hired to perform a job, to a process whereby if the aspiring writer isn’t blogging, tweeting, creating images and videos, and podcasting before the call comes from the major leagues–well then they don’t get picked at all.

And, since every blogger is not going to wind up with the name recognition of Andrew Sullivan or a writer for TechCrunch, there are seven different areas that a blogger may want to consider as they develop their blogging career:

Reciprocation: The rule of reciprocation says that we try to repay what another person has done for us. In the realm of blogging, this rule applies through comments on, social sharing of, and curation of, content from yourself and other sources.
Commitment: The rule of commitment says that, once people have agreed to do something, they feel compelled to follow-through on the agreement. In the realm of blogging, this commitment is demonstrated by showing up and writing every day.
Consistency: The rule of consistency follows from the rule of commitment and states that people have a tendency to behave in ways that are stubbornly consistent with whatever stand they have initially taken. The successful blogger (not Andrew Sullivan level, but being able to buy an extra cheeseburger occasionally) should be ridiculously consistent.
Social Proof: The rule of social proof states that people view behavior as correct when they are surrounded by others doing the same thing. In the realm of blogging, this means channeling blog content through social distributive channels, aimed at gaining positive reinforcement from an audience.
Liking: The rule of liking really focuses on the fact that we do things for people that we like and that we build a connection and relationship with over time. Building connection with fans through backlinking, responding to comments, curating other people’s content and other ways of connecting follow from that rule.
Authority: The rule of authority states that we tend to defer to others in authority based on physical attributes, titles, or even clothes and other trappings of “power.” When you’re blogging consistently, with liking and social proof, it gives the blogger authority. Don’t have authority yet? Well don’t give up. Outlast the other bloggers.
Scarcity: The rule of scarcity says that we want more of what we can’t have—or that is in limited supply. In the digital world, where it seems as though every blogger is giving away content for free, scarcity comes to a blogger when they use their influence and authority to build a niche audience for their content, their point of view and their process through their writing. Scarcity also comes through building an effective distribution network for blogged content, including social media channels, email distribution lists, subscriptions and on and on. Combined with consistency and commitment, scarcity becomes the gold under the dross.

There’s a lot of talk about how blogging is disappearing, along with journalism. But, as the Internet of Things really ramps up, we don’t know how content is going to be managed on these devices, without bloggers having a voice at the root of the Internet of Things…websites….

-Peace Be With You All-