3 Ways to Address Anger in the Workplace

Don’t drive angry.

Don’t tweet angry.

But going to work angry…well…that’s just the way of the world.

Fear of Unemployment

Right?

With the number of “disengaged” employees in the workplace at 26%, according to a recent Dale Carnegie study, it’s no wonder that people may occasionally show up to work:

Pissed off
Peeved
Slightly miffed

Or any of the other amorphous euphemisms that we use to say “angry.”

The key to creating and retaining engaged employees is to actually engage with them.

And, according to the same study, “the number one factor [] cited influencing engagement and disengagement was “relationship with immediate supervisor.”

We wrote a couple of weeks ago about emotional intelligence and emotional illiteracy.

Too many organizations still prefer to have disengaged staff and team members who are coming to work to grind through their eight to twelve hour days and then go home. Underneath the watchful eyes of supervisors and managers that they do not respect, appreciate or even remotely like.

What’s the solution?

Training supervisors, managers and others in how to engage in empathy, even when it appears to be immediately unproductive;

Developing organizational cultures that truly allow caring and inclusion to be active values, not just ones that appear on the masthead or at the company party;

Encouraging C-suite and above individuals who set the corporate tone to seek out developmental coaching and therapy to understand why they tick.

Otherwise, coming to work angry will keep happening.

And it’s not that hard to imagine a future where violence mars the workplace in the same ways that it does our schools.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

Too Clever For Our Own Good: How The Third Person Effect Makes Us Vulnerable To Persuasion Techniques

This guest post is written by David James Bawden. David James is an up and coming Marketing Assistant at SPL International. His ideas on content marketing and perspectives are his own and do not necessarily represent those of SPL International. Follow him on Twitter and read his blog at http://doingthingsdigitally.com/

How easily do you find yourself persuaded by adverts? When lynx tells you that their new deodorant will have women flocking to you do you feel a sudden need to rush out to buy lynx? Or do you find yourself wondering who these obvious sales techniques actually work on? Insulted that the company running the advert thinks so little of your intelligence?

This reaction, thinking that adverts influence the intangible ‘other’ more than they influence yourself is known as the third person principal and it actually makes you dangerously susceptible to persuasion techniques.

Psychological studies have shown that when watching an advert proven to be highly persuasive to them, people have dismissed the effect on themselves but said they believe that the advert would be persuasive to ‘other people’.

This effect is amplified when the person sees the subject as being of little or no relevance to themselves meaning you are more likely to be influenced when forced to think about something you previously had no interest in.

Clearly there is a danger here. By dismissing an adverts power to persuade out of hand we are making ourselves more open to the message that advert is trying to get across. Instead of looking down on the none existent ‘others’ we should be more aware of how marketing messages affect us and understand exactly what power they have to influence us.

David James Bawden

-Peace Be With You All-

HIT Piece 06.10.2014

“…but I would have liked to have been asked!”

This statement typically…

…comes from the ego…
…comes from a fear of being left out, left behind, or not given consideration…
…covers a situation that says nothing about the other person’s selfishness, lack of consideration, caring, etc., and says everything about the person making the statement and their insecurities.

I have often completed a complaint with this phrase.

I have been fearful, anxious, insecure and not consulted often.

Sometimes, this has led to more conflict as I have reacted, rather than responded.

I’m trying to catch myself and do better.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

HSCT Retreats From Repealing Conflict Question

“How many people in this room have a conflict in their lives?”

We ask this question as part of our 30 second elevator speech describing who we are, what we do and what our approach to conflict is here at HSCT, every time we stand up at a networking event.

From rooms as small as four people to rooms with as many as one hundred people, no one yet has raised their hands.

We’ll keep asking, but, we recall that, even back into Biblical times, conflict existed.

James, Jesus’ brother pointed out in his gospel (4:1-3) that wars and fightings occur among people because of the desires (in the original King James version, the word used is “lusts”) that do battle inside of us.

And yet, no one ever raises their hand.

Poor—or no—communication leads to conflict.
Differences in priorities, values, goals, talents and opinions lead to conflict.
Competition over perceived limited resources leads to conflict.
And,of course, knowing what to do, and doing the opposite, leads to conflict. In the Bible, this is called “sin.”

Sometimes the worst types of conflicts, such as—well—wars and fightings, come about because of sinful actions, desires and behaviors.

So why are so many people unwilling to answer the question we pose honestly?

Well, it’s hard to admit that conflict exists, particularly if the person admitting to it doesn’t perceive there to be a conflict.

It’s also hard if the other party refuses to acknowledge that there is even a problem in the first place.

Finally, admitting to having a conflict requires us to be vulnerable, and there is no place we’d rather not be vulnerable, than in front of our peers at a networking event.

So, we’ll ask at the end of this blog post:

“How many people in this room have a conflict in their lives?”

[Thanks to Ken Sande. Check out his book here.]

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

Masculinity in Conflict-#ElliotRodger’s Edition

Another day, another mass shooting by a disaffected, young Caucasian male, and another day of the aftermath.

Not to be flip, but we have blogged about the importance of work, the damaging effects of envy and the nature of male violence before.

Because, unfortunately, this has happened before.

Now, we don’t know the killer’s mental health history, or deep family history, or life history, but a few things are clear:

He was sexually frustrated
He was envious of those around him
He was 22 years old

Conflict occurs when there is a deep disagreement between two sides of an issue about something that matters.

Conflict continues when there is no resolution—or reconciliation—for that disagreement and thus no opportunity for catharsis.

We have blogged before about the solution to all of this, and its men.

Not changing the culture.
Not blaming the use of guns.
Not tearing down our already limited, mental health system.
Not taking to Twitter.

Because, as necessary as all of those conversations may be, it is no substitute for grown, adult, emotionally literate, responsible men taking responsibility for their lives, their wives, their children and their communities.

And men must step up and do this, if conflicts (which begin internally and explode externally) such as the one that Eliot Rodger was clearly suffering from, will abate.

Because misogyny, anger, self-righteousness, envy, jealousy all start in the home.

-Peace Be With You All-

[Advice] Caucusing Arete

Caucusing in a mediation happens when a mediator takes each party aside and talks to them privately about issues and concerns that the other party may not be open to hearing.

In a divorce mediation, it could be about issues of infidelity, emotional abuse or unresolved anger.
In an organizational mediation, it could be about issues of pay structure, proprietary information, or that there’s a personal problem with the other party.
In a church mediation, it could be a about an interpretation of Scripture or a moment of clarity.

No matter what it is, however, the phrase heard most often within a caucus is “I don’t want [insert name of party here] to know this, but…”

A mediator’s virtue then shows, because she has a choice about addressing the opposite party with a concern that could tip the mediation one way—or another.

Arête is the Greek word for the idea of living up to your potential with excellence. And when a mediator navigates a caucus with arête, it can make all the difference.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Wisdom in the Machine

When the astronaut Dave powers down the rebellious HAL 9000 computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey, and more recently in the 2013 film, Her, starring Joaquin Phoenix, we determine through pop culture, what machine “death” looks–and feels–like.

The fact of murder comes from the fact of life and ideas and philosophies that we have as individual humans–and collective societies–about what traits constitute life.

In the case of a machine, we here at HSCT take the position that a machine cannot overcome the limitations of its creator.

Life is defined, not only by self-sustaining processes (we were asked while writing this post, if it would be murder to power down a machine created by another machine) but also by wisdom that is attained through life experience.

The crux of wisdom lies at the intersection of common sense, insight and understanding.

HAL 9000 may have had one, or even two, of those things—such as insight and understanding—but “he” (see how we anthropomorphized an inanimate object there) lacked the third trait in spades: common sense.

Just like Skynet in Terminator or the machines and computer programming networks of The Matrix, HAL 9000 was unable to negotiate in good faith with his creator.

“He” made an “all or nothing” decision about Dave’s presence, Dave’s mission and Dave’s motives and then took extreme action.

The same way that the machines did in The Matrix and Terminator.

The ability to negotiate with others in good faith, and to honor those agreements, is a human trait based in knowledge, experience, common sense and insight, not just a happy byproduct of a conscious mind.

And until machines have the ability to negotiate with, not only their environments in the rudest sense of the term, but also with their creators, we should feel free to power them up—or down—at our will.

After all, our Creator does the same thing.

Right?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Masculinity in Conflict – 2014 Edition

Masculinity is characterized in many ways, and in a country with 92 million Americans no longer in the labor force, we here at Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT), wonder what the impact of that could be on both men and women.

Work gives life meaning. It doesn’t matter whether you are the Christian and Jewish God of the Old Testament, the scholar consumed with the workers and the bourgeoisie or the creator of a political party dedicated to the death of people, work gives meaning.

Here in this space, we have blogged previously about the issues that men face and the very public methods that they sometimes use to resolve them. Violence is never an answer to a conflict, but unfortunately, it seems as though violent response by men to any and all perceived slight, has been codified in our culture, from video games to the movies.

We believe that each person is responsible for their own level of self-awareness and is accountable for their own actions, and that men are particularly held to a higher standard.

This is an “old school” philosophy that may reverberate with some readers as being misogynistic or narrow, but when men cease committing the majority of violent crimes and the majority of violent wars, then we’ll take a step back.

But, what does this have to do with work?

Work creates freedom. It allows for meaning, creativity, growth and fertility.
Work fosters connection. It creates the situations and environments that allow for the growth of human beings through connecting with others
Work develops character. It creates not only commitment, responsibility, accountability and purpose, but it also incentivizes actions that lead to more character.

But, what if there is no work?

Then masculinity (and by extension, femininity) must be redefined.

We here at HSCT would rather see that happen through the efforts of men who are committed to doing the hard work of work with other men, than through a wandering George Zimmerman or a gun-wielding, angry 14 year old.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

[Advice] The Most Perfect Gift

What is the most perfect gift that you can give?

During the holiday season, particularly around Christmas, the societal stress level in the West, increases as people pursue purchasing the “perfect gift.” The inherent, human tendency to have “stuff,” pushed by marketers, advertisers and other consumers, is hyped through Black Friday sales and “deep discounts.”

Also, fear is pushed that a holiday celebration will be “ruined” without the attainment and giving of that “perfect gift” to that person in your life.

If we stop however, and remember that the point of Thanksgiving is to be reflective, and that the point of Christmas is to focus on redemption, then the hard part is not slogging through the mall, stressing over an online purchase or crowding into a retail space at the “last minute.”

The real hard work between Thanksgiving and the New Year is focusing on the active act of engaging in reconciliation and forgiveness with those whom we have harmed, and who have harmed us during the past year.

Financial outlay then falls to the bottom of the list and the true cost—in time, energy, emotional effort and spiritual development—stands revealed.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

[Opinion] Generous Polluters

In an abundance economy, there is one polluting element that is produced.

It’s more toxic than carbon dioxide and more damaging to the environment than the plastic bag island floating out somewhere in the Pacific.

It’s more damaging to the body politic than a disease epidemic. It corrodes and destroys as surely as acid does.

This pollution destroys access, ownership and privacy. It overrides the values that a connection economy is based upon, including honesty, transparency, clarity, motivation, courage, self-awareness, focus, discipline and empathy.

It turns adventure into obligation and has its own properties.

It is colorless, odorless and tasteless.

We’ve even written about it here in this space before.

Fear is the most abundant, most toxic, most polluting element generated in an abundance economy:

Conflicts arise in the abundance economy from a fear of a future that is likely (rather than preparation for the future that is desired), a perceived (or actual) scarcity of material resources and a lack of patience.

Mediators, lawyers, counselors, theologians, therapists and others in the helping professions are going to become more middle class (and in some cases, wealthier) in the developing connection economy, because fear is not disappearing. As a matter of a fact, fear is growing and expanding as the disruptions generated by the inexorable rise of an abundance based economy, become more and more acute.

The lizard brain has been with us too long.

However, there is one antidote—one environmental scrubber—for the pollutant of fear. Plus, it’s the final leg on the three-legged stool of the connection, abundance based economy of both now and the next 100 years:

Cooperation.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/