Unbundled Civility

Let’s have an honest talk about the good old days.

And, please bear with us. This is going to go a little long.

Civility and discourse seem to be on the wane as the instantaneous nature of communication becomes more and more ubiquitous in our everyday lives.

It appears as though society has traded civility, good manners, good breeding and other elements of moral and Godly character, for an increase in perceived authenticity, the freedom to air our “dirty laundry,” and unload embarrassing baggage, not only on social media, but increasingly in the workplace, the church and the school.

Along with this comes the exchange of grace and forgiveness for the freedom to judge any mismatch of words and deeds, to take measure and revel in spectacle.

Thus, incivility becomes a new form of pornography—briefly gratifying when we are being “true to ourselves” and emotionally “authentic” at the workplace meeting table–but leaving behind a wake of emotional, psychological and moral damage upon others.

George Washington diligently copied in school 110 maxims for proper behavior, that were initially hand written and passed down from Jesuit scholars in the 16^th century and were titled Biensance de la Conversation entre le Hommes (Decency of Conversation among Men).

They come from a time before the 21^st century, when social conduct was considered more than just a sign of good breeding. Proper social conduct then, was part of the pavement on the road to success, along with grit, conscientiousness and perseverance.

But what about now?

Culture is changing because of three things:

The speed of our communication
The irreverence of our communication
The disruption of long standing social mores

The conflicts of the 21^st century in organizations of all kinds, will be between the vocal minority (also composed of the silent majority) who will hold to the rules of civility in discourse, no matter what the platform.

And those who will appear to be the majority (who may in fact be in the minority) who will throw the rules out in favor of the illusion of freedom, authenticity and the easy path.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Christian Peacemaking in a Fallen World – Bully Edition

Bullies are everywhere it seems.

They are at school. They are at work.

Have they always been around or are we only now becoming sensitive to their presence and their impact?

From Donald Sterling to the workplace bully to the disaffected school shooter, modern Western culture seems to be turning up more and more of the disaffected and the dysfunctional.

Eventually, the societal call will come to violate the inviolable in order to ferret out and better address the impacts of bully pathology.

The conflation between the everyday bully and the societal scourge will become easier and easier as time progresses and peace will become harder and harder to attain.

There will be less understanding, less forgiveness and the road to reconciliation will be even tougher.

The hard work of #BuildingForTheFuture is just beginning…

-Peace Be With You All-

[Opinion] Grains of Sand in the Human Heart

A handful of sand contains one million grains.

How many ideas does that number of grains represent?

How much untapped potential?

The conflicts of the 21^st century will more pointedly focus on the conflict between potential and potential neither realized, nor accessed.

Real wisdom and leadership will come, not from designing more fancy tools, but from accessing old knowledge and applying it to, what will appear to be new challenges.

How many grains of sand can be contained in the human heart?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Why We Design Systems

The human brain seeks order out of chaos. It can’t help itself.

We create systems, cultures, organizations, traditions and stories to be able to make sense out of a world that seems inexplicable, where things seem to happen without reason or logic.

This ingrained need to create order has led to the creation of roads, bridges, governments and entertainment.

Conflict also results, because the universe (i.e. other people, circumstances, etc.) seems to also seek randomness and errors, both within and outside ordered systems.

Organizations, governments and cultures recognize and acknowledge this fact, and seek to smooth out the rough edges and patch over conflicts through a combination of punishment/reward and in-group/out-group sanctioning.

However, randomness, errors and conflicts present opportunities for change, not just opportunities to preserve the status quo and the even keel that our limbic systems have required since our time out on the Serengeti.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Be More of Who You Are

MBTI, DiSC, Strengthsquest and multiple other personality assessments and sorters have appeared on the market after World War II, proposing to provide people insight into themselves.

But, when a person attains insight into themselves, what they do with that insight—how they change—is at least as important as the insight itself.

How we are seen and perceived by others is more of a tricky proposition and this is where Project Fascinate and Sally Hogshead come into play.

Sally has come up with an assessment that examines how the world sees you and breaks it down in an easy to read, highly accessible 16 page document.

But, what’s even better is that she promotes becoming more of what you already are, and differentiating yourself from the crowd by becoming more of what people see you being.

In a positive manner, of course.

This can create conflicts with self and conflicts with others, particularly if you’ve spent a long time (such as a lifetime) being what you think others want you to be, instead of being what they actually know you to be.

Unlearn boring and be more of yourself. This is the core of Project Fascinate.

-Peace Be With You All-

How to Make A Difference

We here at HSCT work diligently to increase self-awareness, self-worth and self-esteem through the imparting of information, tactics and strategies for engaging with conflict effectively.

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This doesn’t always work though.

Particularly when the majority of the 350-1000 words per minute that on average cascade through a human being’s neocortex are overwhelmingly negative.

Particularly when this corrosive self-talk is focused inexorably on negative evaluations of others, negative evaluations of circumstances and negative evaluations of past experiences.

The tonic of self-awareness, positive self-talk and strong self-esteem consisting of tactics and strategies can only come from the outside.

The difference has to come from inside of you.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Scarcity is a Lie

Human beings have trouble engaging with conflict effectively, from the schoolhouse to the workhouse.

Well, the “workhouse” doesn’t exist anymore, but you get my meaning.

In a world of scarcity, conflict engagement is incredibly difficult, primarily because we tend to view our resources (i.e. time, emotions, money, etc., etc., etc.) as limited.

We tend to approach conflicts in our lives from an inadequacy fueled, poverty based mindset that views the future as scary, the past as dominant and today as a mere distraction.

This leads to people avoiding conflicts regularly.
This leads to people confronting conflicts badly and ineffectively.
This leads to people being confounded by conflicts genuinely.

This also creates a reality for people in conflict that causes them to believe that they solve conflicts well (they don’t) or that they don’t have any conflicts in their lives (they do).

The other side effect of a poverty based mindset around conflicts involves being pushed– through experiencing repeated conflict situations–toward trauma and dysfunction, before seeking professional help.

Trauma. Dysfunction. Poverty. Scarcity.

Engaging with conflict effectively requires a shift in psychology, designed to view resources as abundant, other people as partners and conflict situations as temporary moments in time, rather than permanent states of being.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Navigating the Employer Market

Due to wage and price controls instituted in the 1930’s and 1940’s, employer sponsored health benefits (and other “bonuses”) became popular as a way to guarantee full-time labor force participation and employee loyalty.

Now, however, the option of offering “healthcare as a benefit” has been effectively removed from the employer/employee discussion.

Plus, work has changed dramatically with the rise of temporary work, part-time work, and—of course—the ever expanding internship.

If you’re an employer of any kind, the question becomes:

“How much should I invest in my part-time workforce?”

Traditionally, the answer to that question has been:

“Minimal to nothing.”

The real question for the remainder of this century should be:

“How do I—as an employer—engender loyalty and work ethic in my part-time, side hustling, web connected, virtual currency using, workforce of the future?”

Or…

Employers can continue to believe that an “employer’s market” will somehow, Frederick W. Taylor-like, continue on.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

“I’m Worried About My Bottom Line.”

Really?

Well, let’s be honest:

Bottom line concerns tend to only appear when “getting by” and making the quarterly numbers, no longer works and when competitive pressure, employee choice and other market conditions begin to appear.

Employers will not always be blessed with an “employer’s market” and ignoring, or minimizing, the training and educating, of those demoralized, traumatized employees who have been long-term unemployed, could cost in the billions in lost revenues, time and profits.

Worried about the “bottom line” around conflicts in your workplace?

You should be.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

The Reason for Workplace Pathologies

There are conflicts everywhere, but the ones at work leave some of the deepest marks, because we spend, on average 40 to 60 hours a week with people we did not choose.

The common response to most work conflicts—from uninvolved employees to supervisors—sometimes ranges from “It’s not my problem,” to “I don’t care. It doesn’t affect me.”

There’s also a version of the Bystander Effect—where everyone stands around waiting for someone else to take a stand against a situation rather than themselves doing anything.

When conflict occurs between co-workers, apathy and fear of reprisal or negative consequences resulting from taking an action, paralyze fellow coworkers in the escalation cycle of conflict.

In contrast, when conflict occurs between supervisors and employees, grumbling, gossip, and other expressions of powerlessness become evident.

The escalation cycle continues, but is slows down, sometimes allowing the conflict to fester for years and transform into other cultural workplace pathologies.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA