Why So “Serious?”

Amid the theater and drama surrounding the very real conflict around the 2013 government shutdown, the Affordable Health Care Act implementation and other events in Washington DC, we are a little surprised here at HSCT to hear one word fall consistently from our government leaders’ lips:

“Serious.”

As in, “I won’t negotiate without serious reform on the table.”

“I won’t talk to [Insert name of politician/political party here] until they make a serious offer for change.”

Now, part of our role here at HSCT is to teach people how to negotiate. We teach how to navigate stonewalling, interests, judgments about the future, risk tolerance, and time preference. In addition, we cover lessons around framing, communication and the use of deceptive tactics.

We’re also not naïve to the whims and modes of American political history and realize that there have been “budget battles” in Washington DC that looked intractable, but that eventually produced workable compromises between governing parties.

However, nowhere in our training or in our experiences, were we ever taught to not negotiate until the other party became “serious” and made an offer we could live with before beginning the bargaining process.

This all kind of puts us in mind of The Joker in The Dark Night .

He didn’t want to negotiate until Batman was “serious” either. And yet, somehow, negotiations (such as it were in the film) moved forward anyway.

And that’s what has us so surprised.

After all of the bluffing, deception, and everything else, we are absolutely sure that the debt ceiling, the government shutdown and the Affordable Health Care Act implementation will be resolved one way or another.

But, when people in power harden their positions—as do their followers, the pundits and the casual observers—the chances that, to paraphrase from The Joker “everything burns,” become that much more possible.

Why then, is there such emphasis on “serious?”

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Creativity Flows

6:30 am: The alarm goes off announcing the beginning of a new day. I roll over and hit “dismiss” and try to gain a few more winks. But I’m winking in vain.

Chinese Proverb

6:45 am: The legs swing off the bed and I wrap myself in a blanket and head to my prayer closet for an hour. Get The One perspective on the day before putting in any other perspectives.

7:30 am: The wife rolls over and wakes up. We talk for fifteen minutes about the day ahead, how much we love each other and then she jumps up to put the kid on the bus.

7:45 am: The shower is hot, the shaving razor’s cold and it stings. This is the time when the Android begins to shake, vibrate and blip at me with incoming messages. The world is waking up.

8:15 am: Go downstairs and start coffee. Have an apple while passing through the office to boot up the computer.

8:30 am: The coffee starts to make me vibrate as the email, texting, Tweeting, Facebooking, LinkedIn connecting and other nonsense starts in earnest on my end. I also begin my “to-do” list for the day.

9:45 am: Content creation, workshop preparation and research, speech writing begins. This will go in fits and starts, intermittently with checking email and responding to LinkedIn posts and comments, throughout the day.

11:45 am: Go to the radio and hit the POWER button. Start the talk radio going. It makes the day pass by and I get all these different perspectives from what I’m intermittently reading on Drudgereport.

1:45 pm: Lunch. And keep working on projects. Phone calls begin now. Always call in the afternoon because I hate to be bothered in the morning as a business owner and I project my neuroses on others. Monday and Wednesday, cold calling; Tuesday and Thursday, warm calling; Friday no calling.

3:45 pm: Kids start walking in the door. Whole day now enters “Swiss Cheese” mode, pockmarked by homework requests, TV requests, videogame requests, food/snack requests, wife requests, calls back from potential clients (if I’m lucky) or more work on content creation for the next day.

5:45 pm: Time to think about fixing dinner.

6:30 pm: Fix dinner because the two people under four feet tall are about to eat each other and the taller peoples above four feet tall are about to eat each other.

7:15 pm: Dinner hour. Welcome to the goat rodeo: The one time of the day where I’m a conflict consultant, mediator, father, disciplinarian, husband, Tweeter, and cook’s helper (or, depending on the day, the cook) all at the same time. And at the dinner table.

8:00 pm: Bedtime for those under four feet tall. Let the wrangling into showers, pull-ups, pajamas, beds and cribs begin.

9:15 pm: Go to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and maybe Fridays. Or, start to catch up on what was missed during the last two hours on social media, answer late emails, create content for tomorrow and talk to my wife as she sits next to me editing.

11:30 pm: Hit the sack. Set the alarm to do it all again tomorrow.

This is a summary of a day as a conflict consultant.

The days are also randomly broken up when there are meetings to go to, clients to meet, trainings, workshops or speaking engagements to run, deadlines to follow, or crises to address.

Backing up my wife and kids becomes the most important thing above everything and sometimes this leads to nights that stretch into 1am.

Also, if there is a class, outside employment or another factor to be addressed during the day (for instance, I have to go to work at a retail store as an employee for 4, 6, or 8 hours of the day) then everything shifts back or up.

No day is the “same.”

No day is “normal.”

No day is “average.”

Creativity flows when there is no routine, but no routine.

As the principal conflict consultant here at Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT) I believe in picking yourself as a conflict professional first before a client picks you.

That way you can decide the best client to fit into your routine. Not the other way around.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining page on Facebook

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

On the Importance of “Niche-ing” Your Mediation Practice

In the connection economy, building mediation business is easier now than it ever has been before.

If you are a professional mediator, with years of experience, a degree and a healthy on (and off) line social network, you can begin the process of defining success for yourself in an upward direction.

It becomes a little tougher if you only have only one or two of those assets available to you, but the fact of the matter is, if you are starting out in the peace building world, there are any number of business models that you could follow to success.

So, what’s holding back professional mediators from establishing thriving private practices?

Dave Hilton has some ideas about why, and he’s started Rockstar Mediator (link here http://www.rockstarmediator.com/) to get people going.

Neil Denny and Jason Dykstra also have some ideas, so they started Get Artisan (link here http://www.getartisan.biz/) and they are doing dynamite work right now in both the US and Europe to get mediators going.

But, what separates them from the community mediation center volunteer or the professional lawyer just “doing mediations” on the side?

The answer is the same as in other industries: A lack of “niche-ing” a mediation practice.

This seems like an obvious step before starting a practice, and in a world where there are divorce, family, child, union, church, corporate, nonprofit, medical, education and even pet mediators, “niche-ing” shouldn’t be a problem.

However, we here at HSCT still run into many mediators starting their practices with the kiss of death statement of “I don’t want to turn away anybody. I think that my talents, skills and passions are for everybody.”

Unfortunately, this inability to say “no,” to fire a client who doesn’t follow through, or just to actively say in a brochure, on a website, or even in a blog, what you are for and what you will not tolerate, causes the failure rate of 95% in the first year for most professional mediators in private practice.

How do you “niche” successfully?

Say “no.”
Don’t accept just “any” client.
Be clear in contracts and follow through on the language.
Say “yes” to yourself before anyone else says “yes” to your services, approach, personality, etc.
Don’t do a job for free that would be charged for under your fee rates later.

Then, you too can be the next Kathleen Bartle (http://www.kathleenbartle.com/), Denise Coggiola (http://www.dfwpeacemaker.com/), or even Victoria Pynchon (http://shenegotiates.com/).

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Time is the Problem…

…well, not really time, but our perception of time.

Which is generated from some pretty high level activity going on in separate spots in our cerebral cortex, cerebellum and basal ganglia.

So, getting back to the example of Sue, James and Harriet from Wednesday (here

) where James had what appeared to be a positive response, or consequence, to some pretty harsh comments that Sue said to Harriet.

Our perception of the passage of time colors our perception of events, because Harriet held onto her information before releasing it to James. Probably, based upon the actions of her suprachiasmatic nuclei, she thinks that she held on for “a while.”

Which is one of the reasons why gossip (which lies at the root of many conflicts generated by third party actions) is so corrosive: Holding onto it gives Harriet the feeling of power and the more time she holds onto it, the more power she may feel as though she has.

Now, for James, time works differently. In his mind, a lot (or a little) time has passed between what Sue said and when he heard it from Harriet. In his mind, a determination takes place, formulated as a question: “Has enough time passed between the making of the comments and the hearing of them that I do or don’t have to respond? And what should my response be?”

All because of time.

There is short time thinking (about something that just happened) and long time thinking (about family history) and the human brain does an excellent, though not really well understood, job of differentiating between the two.

In a conflict (or in a potential confrontation), time means everything:

NOW is a moment where a response can either happen immediately or not so much;
LATER is a moment to which a response may be delayed;
THEN is a moment that has already passed.

But the emotional residue that time exacerbates can serve to create more conflict, and more consequence, not less.

Thinking about how we think about time, consequences and whether to react or respond can help us avoid further conflict and help us generate actionable solutions.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Equal and Opposite

“If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” – Sir Isaac Newton

Newton’s third law of classical mechanics states: “When one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction to that of the first body.”

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Right?

Well, maybe in classical mechanics and physics. But in the world of personal and professional conflicts, consequences don’t work that way.

Case in point:

Sue talks about James behind his back to Harriet (action)
James never hears about it, because Harriet doesn’t think Sue’s analysis is on the ball.
Many years later, James hears about Sue’s comments from Harriet in the office and laughs (reaction).

Most of us would not characterize James’ response equal or opposite.

We would call it mature and reasonable based upon where it occurs (in the office), or immature and dismissive (at a party); and the context under which it occurs, at a corporate meeting (while sober) versus at a private dinner party (while intoxicated).

The thing that flummoxes us as people in conflict is the problem of our perspective on time.

Consequences (reactions) upon a body in classical mechanics occur, from the researchers’ perspective, almost immediately in the physical world.

However, in a conflict, minutes, hours, days, months, and even years can pass between the trigger of a conflict and the actual conflict scenario itself (reaction) in the abstract world.

Abstraction versus the physical: Both of them require appropriate preparation to address consequences of actions.

However, understanding the others’ identity, the others’ perspective, the others’ worldview and the others’ response is incredibly important in responding to the consequences of a conflict regardless of whenthe consequence occurs.

Ok, so what do we do about time?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTrainingpage on Facebook

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

[Advice] Consequences…

…are the stickiest thing to address in a conflict.

Are we all in agreement about that?

Good.

Paralysis can occur when over analysis happens before a conflict even begins. Conflicts—and their sisters, Difficulty and Confrontation—ebb and flow, just like the river. And, when two people dip into the river, they never step into it at the same place at the same time.

If we over analyze how we are going to solve the problem, then the chances that we will be taken by surprise by a consequence in a conflict is almost guaranteed. People and situations are fluid from minute to minute, hour to hour.

Just ask any first responder.
Just ask any first grade teacher.
Just ask any personal trainer.

However, this fact does not free us from the responsibility to engage in the tough tactical and strategic skill building practices that will help us be able to harness the power of the creativity in the unintended consequence, as well as the intended consequence.

So, the challenge question on Monday becomes: What is stopping you from acknowledging your weaknesses in your strategic approach to the consequences of conflicts in your life?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

[Opinion] The Conflict Games

The most raw experiences participants and audiences still have in the world is the experiences they share in the arena of sports.

In an era where most of the news is known before it can even be digested, the realm of sports offers people an opportunity to experience something almost unknown these days: the unknowable outcome.

Will she make the jump over the horizontal pole, or not?

Which car will cross the finish line first without crashing?

Will the team who has an undefeated record lose this week?

The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

Unknowable outcomes move people with the drama, the action and suspense of story, without all the prefabricated feel of false entertainment. And when we live in an era where “reality stars” appear to be ever more fake and ludicrous, sports offers hope of seeing a genuine person perform well—or fail miserably.

We read an article recently about the growing popularity of cross fit in the United States and a trainer was quoted as saying: “There’s no bullshit in sports. Either you can lift the weight or you can’t. You say that you can deadlift 450lbs, well then let’s put on the plates and see.”

Brilliant analysis.

It also applies to conflicts.

Conflict and peace are unpredictable and, much like sports, just when you think that you know the score or the outcome, someone, or something, can sneak in for the win or the tie.

In a conflict, there’s plenty of bupkiss floating around, and its tough when the stories we tell (which are heavier than any weight we could possibly deadlift) are piled on the bar. And then, the people opposite us may tell us that “Either you can lift it or you can’t.”

But the unknowable outcome still drives us in sport and in conflict. So, we here at HSCT have a proposal: What if we had an Olympic Games for conflict management, peace building, coalition forming, collaborative law and conflict resolution?

Would anyone show up to watch that thrill and agony?

-Peace Be With You All-

Don’t Take on a Client Who Can’t Answer These 7 Questions

As a conflict consultant, mediator, conflict coach or a motivational speaker, are you continually frustrated when you arrive at a clients’ business and they immediately hit you with a problem that they want solved cheaply, immediately and permanently?

They want you to come in, put on a Band-Aid and then leave, but not before answering these questions laid out here http://tinyurl.com/q9ef9no.and if you can’t, then getting thrown out of the door. Or never getting a callback on a project that you know your skills would be perfect for.

And if you can’t answer them to the client’s satisfaction, then you risk getting thrown out of the door.

Or never getting a callback on a project that you know your skills would be perfect for.

Meanwhile, as a professional with years of, not only academic experience, but also practical experience, you can tell from the decision maker’s, or gatekeeper’s, immediate description of the conflict or issue, that the problem is so much deeper. And that a cosmetic solution is not going to work.

And that a cosmetic solution is not going to work.

Here are seven questions to ask they about their business that will help you weed through the clients who are seriously committed to changing their organizational cultures from those who are only committed to the now, the immediate and the solution that will keep them out of litigation.

What kind of conflicts do you have in your business right now? Every business has conflicts: Between managers and managers, between employees and managers and between executives and management. If the client isn’t self-aware enough to acknowledge that honestly, then that’s a problem.

How are your responses to conflicts living up to the core values of your business? Punting (avoidance), false empowerment of employees and managers (accommodation) or going to legal and then firing somebody (attack) are all responses to conflicts. Sometimes the responses are representative of true core values, not the ones published on the masthead.

Have you ever failed personally at resolving a business conflict? Again, the decision maker or gatekeeper should have a certain level of self-awareness and accountability around all their business decisions: from the fun financial ones to the difficult personnel ones.

What non-HR, non-legal related systems do you have in place currently to manage employee-employee and employee-supervisor conflicts? HR exists to understand laws and regulations, to engage in on-boarding new employees and to retain older employees. Legal exists to litigate, purely and simply. Neither of these departments in an organization are always useful for dealing with behavioral, cognitive based conflicts in a business.

How do you let people go? Organizational cultures grow up around three areas: recruiting and hiring, training and retaining and firing and laying off employees. How the last area is addressed is key to understanding how deep organizational dysfunction goes.

When was the last time you examined how you deal with conflicts in your business personally?This reads like a therapeutic question, but decision makers and gatekeepers are people first before anything else. And everybody learns how to address difficulty starting at home as a child.

We have been talking for 45 minutes now, describe for me how you see me challenging your business culture to evolve and grow? Resolving conflicts, teaching new skills to employees and managers and addressing engagement requires businesses to evolve in their business models.

This is inherently a challenge, but such radical growth allows a company to shift in an economy increasingly built on a model of not only clients but also employees, acting as brand ambassadors on social media, word-of-mouth and in a collaborative economy.

And really, all of these questions, for you as a conflict resolution professional, should serve to provide you understanding and to answer the real question: Are the clients open to the hard, disruptive challenge of true, meaningful and lasting change, or do they just want a cosmetic, Band-Aid application?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email:jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter:www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

On 100 Posts, Or Post #101

Today is a milestone for the Human Services Consulting and Training Communication Blog and for myself, Jesan Sorrells.

Today marks the day that I have crossed the threshold of 100 posts on my blog here. I have chased the dragon and it has been tiring, sometimes dispiriting but always informative.

Image Courtesy of Hubspot.com

I have relentlessly tracked analytics and some of my posts, no matter how well written, have attracted only minimal attention.

While others, written in the spur of the moment—in an airport, on a rugby field, at a party, scribbled into a moleskin after having a drink—have been the most viewed ones here on my blog.

In my 100 post journey I have learned that images matter, ideas and concepts must resonate, and that calls to action are easier written than done.

I have learned that cross posting to Facebook is sometimes a fool’s game and that Twitter can be a blogger’s best friend.

I have learned that LinkedIn rewards those who spend time nurturing a relationship with her and that sometimes just talking about peace isn’t quite enough.

I have learned that 200 words is about the extent of an attention span in a blog post and that if I’m going to ever write a book about all of this, it’ll have to start here first.

Who’s with me to the 200^th?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

“Like” the https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining page on Facebook

Follow our Principle Consultant, Jesan Sorrells, on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Email HSCT questions or comments at:hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Check out HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

[Advice] Should You Teach as a Consultant?

Is consulting a collaborative process?

Is teaching a collaborative process?

Does peace building provide an opportunity to impact a maximum number of people?

Do we live in a collaborative, connection based economy?

Do you need to spread the word about your talents and skills and cut through noise and distraction?

The answer to all of these questions is YES!

And the best way to accomplish all of these is by collaborating with your local technical, community, junior or four-year college.

The revenue of connection is the only one that counts in the “new normal.”

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

“Like” the https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining page on Facebook

Follow our Principle Consultant, Jesan Sorrells, on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Email HSCT questions or comments at:hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Check out HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct