[Opinion] Would You Like a Side of Mediation with That?

Mediation and sales have several things in common:

They both involve establishing trust right away.
They both involve starting from a referral from one or more of the parties.
They both involve establishing a relationship between the two parties and the mediator/s.

The key place where sales and mediation differ is that a sale is usually closed: Either the salesperson gets the order and gets paid, or the prospect gets the salesperson to go away.

Mediation relies on both parties having the autonomy to walk away. Sales involves parties being pressured (whether lightly or heavily) into making a decision to “buy” or “walk-away.”

The big takeaway form all of this is that if your career is in mediation, learning where to put pressure on versus where to ensure autonomy will ensure that each participant has a satisfactory outcome.

And that you get paid.

Active listening is a huge driver for both sales and mediation.

If you aren’t listing to what your customer is saying that they want—or the parties in the dispute are saying that they want—you’ll wind up going home.

Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Guest Blogger Heidi Eckerson: Massaging with the Enemy

And our guest blogger series for this month concludes with a contribution from Heidi Eckerson of Revolution Massage Therapy in Endicott, NY.

A graduate of the Finger Lakes School of Massage in Ithaca, Revolution owner and NYS Licensed Massage Therapist Heidi Eckerson trained in the science of the body and the art of massage.

Heidi is dedicated to collaborating with her clients to design massage sessions that promote their wellness in a safe, effective, holistic way. To learn more about her practice visit Revolution Massage Therapy’s website Revolution Massage Therapy and follow her on Facebook.

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Some guy named Eddie emailed me about joining his group at the BU Health Fair. “We’re reaching out to all the therapists there. Last year we set up a chair massage corral.”

Thanks, but no thanks. I had my own booth, promoting my own practice. I wanted to stand out.

I arrived early at the Events Center to set up.

Then, one by one, they came. Lugging massage chairs and other gear. They moved tables, discussed the layout—even considered my space! Handing me a brochure, Eddie introduced himself. He was President and founder of AIM—Association of Independent Massage Therapists.

He rattled off their names: Lynne with her do-it-yourself face cradle covers. Marilyn, insisting I visit the other vendors. Charles my Shiatsu teacher. Elena ushered clients into our chairs. The next thing I knew, I was annexed by this group of massage therapists—not quite “join or die” but ….

There was another massage business there. And they stood out with their flashy tablecloth, win-to-spin prize wheel, and bowl of candy. But they lacked our energy. People passed them by, lining up at our chair massage corral.

I am now secretary of AIM. Members have their own practices, but pool resources to do bigger things: educate people on the benefits of massage; coordinate massage at community events.

We share experiences and advice. My business, Revolution Massage Therapy, has grown because of collaboration with my competition. We stand out by standing together.

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Standing out is what a leader does.

You can stand out as well…once you know your leadership style.

Sign up for the February 19^th HSCT Seminar, Developing the Leader Within, held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99!

Follow the link herehttp://bit.ly/1dyaYji for more information and to register!

We would love to see you there!

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HSCT’s website: http://www. hsconsultingandtraining.com

The Human Services Consulting and Training Blog has been Nominated for the Liebster Award!

The Human Services Consulting and Training Blog has been nominated for the Liebster Award by Anastasia Priyanikova of The Brain Alchemist.

Anastasia is the founder of E-Studio, LLC, a coaching, training and consulting company that translates neuroscience insights into tools and solutions in the areas of communication, conflict management, public speaking, presenting, and transmedia storytelling.

She is a co-founder of Bookphoria, a multimedia and transmedia project that enables authors, experts and speakers to convert their books and expert content into online courses and multimedia products to grow their information business and communities of practice. I have had the pleasure of seeing Anastasia present and I look forward to working with her more in the future.

The Liebster Award personifies “paying it forward,” collaboration and the further development of the connection economy and I am honored to take part in it.

Here are the rules for the Liebster Award. To accept the award:

Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog and link back to the blogger who presented this award to you.
Answer the 10 questions from the nominator.
Nominate 10 blogs and create 10 questions for your nominees.

Now…ONTO THE QUESTIONS!!!

What inspired you to start blogging?

I wanted to get exposure for ideas that I have had running around in my head for years on topics ranging from mediation best practices to marketing and entrepreneurship. I also like to talk and write so it seemed like a natural progression.

What do you hope to achieve with your blog?

I hope that readers and followers will read my words and ideas and pass them on to others. I hope that the HSCT Communication Blog will be a seed in the vast soil of the Internet and begin to be watered and grow for the benefit of all.

What are three attributes that best describe your blog?

Wordy. Wordy. Wordy. I have a constitutional inability to write in small snippets. I’m working on the language part to, expressing big ideas, simply.

How do you nurture your creative side?

I read. A LOT. I used to draw and make fine art prints, but it’s tough to get studio time these days. I also hang out with my wife, who is a professional photographer and my kids.

What are you reading right now?

Where to start?

Predictive Analytics by Eric Siegel
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian, and Al Switzler
Jab, Jab, Right Hook by Gary Vaynerchuk
David and Goliath by Malcolm McDowell

…and I’ve got an unreleased book manuscript, super secret, about what goes into success.

What are your preferred ways of getting the information you need?

I am on social media 24/7. I listen to podcasts. I also read the Drudge Report. Say what you will about Matt Drudge, but he gets the scoop. I follow Mitch Joel’s marketing blog, as well as Todd Henry and a couple of others. Steve Blank is high up on the list.

What do you like to do to unwind?

If you ask my wife, I never unwind. At all. However, I do like to watch movies and trailers for movies on the Internet. I also like to talk about movies and create vast, improbable screenplays in my mind…and on paper.

What is your most ambitious goal or aspiration for 2014?

My most ambitious goal is to get recorded, edited and archived all of my podcast content for an upcoming project, Earbud_U, set to drop in early 2015. I am also pursuing getting business sponsorships.

What makes you happy?

Traveling with my wife and kids, having a good meal, having a drink with good friends, going to Church and participating in building those relationships…

Anything else you would like to share?

I collect rubber duckies, the official mascot of Human Services Consulting and Training(HSCT) and a friend of mine just gave me a blue one for the Superbowl!

The blogs I nominate for the Liebster Award:

My ten questions for the nominees:

What do you DO exactly?
What do you remember the most fondly about the 90’s?
Where did your inspiration come from to start blogging?
Talk about a conflict in your life and how have you resolved it, or not.
What do you do for fun, to shake the cobwebs off?
What do you do to organize your digital life?
What is your process for writing your blog posts?
What are some of your hobbies?
Hypothetical battle: If a fair fight were to happen between yourself and a duck in the park, what would happen and who would win?
What would you like to promote today, if anything?

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Cell: 218-930-0364
Email: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
Website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Blog: http://consultingandtraining.blogspot.com

Honestly

Many people around the world and in different cultural and societal contexts value honesty.

Honesty is a great thing: It allows us to talk openly about issues and concerns that have meaning for us and should have meaning for others.

It should not be confused with “being nice,” or even “telling white lies.” Both of those traits inhabit the shady space between manipulation and outright deceit.

Honesty is a positive communication trait, along with truth telling, patience, silence, self-awareness, clarity, relaxation and forgiveness.

However, sometimes there comes a point in every confrontation communication when even honestycan be used as a weapon.

This point arrives when one party’s desire to be “candid” overrides their good sense.

When employed as weapon, honesty can slice through a party’s self-esteem, robbing them of the very tools, growth and autonomy in a conflict communication that the sender is seeking to implant.

Compassion is the most important part of honesty. Because the “truth,” given honestly, can set a person free.

But given without empathy, compassion and self-awareness, honesty becomes just another dirty word.

Honestly.

Developing compassionate honesty doesn’t happen overnight. And Billy Joel may not be there for you when the moment arrives to be honest.

But take some time this month and meet our conflict engagement consultant, Jesan Sorrells.

Map your leadership style and sign up for the February 19^th HSCT Seminar, Developing the Leader Within, held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99!

Follow the link here http://bit.ly/JM5w4X for more information and to register!

We would love to see you there!

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Changing Lanes

Survival is not often talked about by people in society.

The dictionary defines it as “the state or fact of continuing to live or exist, typically in spite of an accident, ordeal, or difficult circumstances.”

Eminem recently wrote a song about it.

Biology runs on the fuel of it.

So does most of the programming on PBS, National Geographic, the Discovery Channel and most “reality shows.”

Economic systems since bartering have operated by its brutal rules.

Check that.

People in society talk about survival all the time.

Well, HSCT has survived it’s freshman year.

Welcome to the sophomore year of the grand experiment.

Where are we going next?

Well, we here at HSCT love the process of process.

We also love content and content generation.

And 2014 will bring more content, more process and more survival.

Let’s go deeper, build a deeper relationship and bring Church to the wild.

Part of going deeper (and moving from surviving to thriving) here at Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT) means well, us charging something to give more to you.

Take two hours this month to develop the leader within you, through relevant exercises and pertinent, specific, targeted advice.

Map your leadership style this month by signing up for the February 19^th HSCT Seminar, Developing the Leader Within, held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99!

Follow the link here http://bit.ly/1fht5Nq for more information and to register!

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Take Me to the Other Side

Much ink has been spilled about the impact of Martin Luther King’s life and legacy.

As a conflict engagement specialist, though, I think of something else today.

Nonviolent resistance is the best way to expose the hypocrisy and unjustness of legalized policies and has been used from Jesus to Ghandi to MLK to Nelson Mandela to affect change in societies and cultures.

But what about those folks on the other side of the confrontation?

What about those folks in power in the American South who had instituted systems of privilege and power that oppressed people?

What about the British government in India or the Roman government in Judea?

What about the white minority population and government in South Africa?

Why didn’t they look at the resistance, stop what they were doing, lay down their arms, put away their power, and work collaboratively to come to a just and equitable resolution?

In conflicts and mediation situations, I often observe parties who are incapable of changing their patterns of behavior, their ingrained responses and their knee jerk reactions to external stimuli coming in the form of difficulty, confrontation and conflict.

If people as individuals cannot look at the resistance, stop what they are doing, lay down their (metaphorical) arms, put away their power, and work collaboratively to come to a just and equitable resolution in a personal or family conflict, then what hope do countries, cultures and peoples have?

The issue at that point becomes one of decisions, choices and the will to follow through on them.

Jesus and Ghandi had the will.

So did MLK and Mandela.

The will on the other side was weaker, the ability to “save face” was not as strong and the capacity for change was not as developed.

Mediators are the only ones with the training, expertise and desire to get all the parties to the table to even begin the talking process.

Yet, we still have volunteer mediators in this country.

Yet, we still think that mediation, collaboration and compromise are for the faint of heart.

Something to think about, today on January 20, 2014.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Mediation with Slim Goodbody

Once parties in conflict agree to meet at the peace table, they are turned inside out.

Managing two parties in mediation becomes the hard work, because the mediator is addressing both her resistance internally, as well as their resistance externally.

Sometimes, this comes in the form of parties wanting to endlessly re-litigate past struggles, disappointments and failures.

Sometimes, parties seek to manipulate the mediator into addressing or “resolving” the conflict in their favor, entrapped in the false belief that mediation is just another form of “justice.”

Sometimes, parties would rather not be there at all, believing that mediation is a weak substitute for the more muscular appearance that litigation has in this culture.

Once parties in conflict agree to leave the peace table, the mediator is turned inside out.

And typically, there’s no witty guitarist and a muppet around to help out.

Take two hours this month to develop the leader within you.

Meet our conflict engagement consultant, Jesan Sorrells.

Map your leadership style this month and sign up for the February 19^th HSCT Seminar, Developing the Leader Within, held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99!

Follow the link here http://bit.ly/JM5w4X for more information and to register!

We would love to see you there!

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Brain Maps of Neural Highways

Scientists have recently confirmed what old wives’ knew many centuries ago: men and women’s brains are wired differently.

Apparently, neuron development goes left to right in female brains and down the sides in male brains, which leads to men reading maps better and women having greater emotional intelligence.

Maps are great because they show us where to go and lay out a plan for how to get there.

Emotional intelligence is great because it allows us to tap into human empathy.

So, do men and women “do” conflict differently?

Well, anecdotal evidence, from old wives’ tales to popular culture, says so.

But the research, the arguments and the assertions are still out there.

Here at HSCT, we use research based analysis that leads to value based outcomes for clients, customers and people—both men and women.

If you would like to find out more about this process, meet our conflict engagement consultants and have a good time too, sign up for TONIGHT January 15^th HSCT Seminar, Understanding Conflict, being held at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County for only $89.99!

Follow the link here http://bit.ly/JM5w4X for more information and to register!

We would love to see you there tonight!

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

Masculinity in Conflict – 2014 Edition

Masculinity is characterized in many ways, and in a country with 92 million Americans no longer in the labor force, we here at Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT), wonder what the impact of that could be on both men and women.

Work gives life meaning. It doesn’t matter whether you are the Christian and Jewish God of the Old Testament, the scholar consumed with the workers and the bourgeoisie or the creator of a political party dedicated to the death of people, work gives meaning.

Here in this space, we have blogged previously about the issues that men face and the very public methods that they sometimes use to resolve them. Violence is never an answer to a conflict, but unfortunately, it seems as though violent response by men to any and all perceived slight, has been codified in our culture, from video games to the movies.

We believe that each person is responsible for their own level of self-awareness and is accountable for their own actions, and that men are particularly held to a higher standard.

This is an “old school” philosophy that may reverberate with some readers as being misogynistic or narrow, but when men cease committing the majority of violent crimes and the majority of violent wars, then we’ll take a step back.

But, what does this have to do with work?

Work creates freedom. It allows for meaning, creativity, growth and fertility.
Work fosters connection. It creates the situations and environments that allow for the growth of human beings through connecting with others
Work develops character. It creates not only commitment, responsibility, accountability and purpose, but it also incentivizes actions that lead to more character.

But, what if there is no work?

Then masculinity (and by extension, femininity) must be redefined.

We here at HSCT would rather see that happen through the efforts of men who are committed to doing the hard work of work with other men, than through a wandering George Zimmerman or a gun-wielding, angry 14 year old.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT) 2014 January Seminar: Understanding Conflict

HSCT January Seminar: Understanding Conflict

Do you ever wonder why people behave the way that they do?

Do you ever wonder why some people seem to sail through life and others have endless troubles?

During this seminar, held on Wednesday, January 15, 2014, we will expose the underlying assumptions that people share regarding conflicts, interpersonal communication and personality dynamics.

We will explore ways to overcome those assumptions and dynamics that will lead to better communication outcomes overall in both business and family.

Cost: At $89.99 per participant, HSCT is only offering this opportunity to 10 participants!

Time & Location: Seminar will be held from 6pm-8pm at Cornell Cooperative Extension of Broome County.

Registration and Payment:

Register TODAY by emailing hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.comthe first and last name, payment options, email and phone number for contacting all participants.

Mail a check made out to Human Services Consulting and Training to 1816 E. Campville Road, Endicott, NY 13760 or bring it to the seminar.

To pay by cash call 607.953.4215 or bring your payment to check-in at the seminar location.

HSCT does not accept payment from businesses or participants after the seminar has occurred. Individuals are expected to pay no later than the beginning of the seminar.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant

Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)

Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct