[Advice] Consequences…

…are the stickiest thing to address in a conflict.

Are we all in agreement about that?
Good.
Paralysis can occur when over analysis happens before a conflict even begins. Conflicts—and their sisters, Difficulty and Confrontation—ebb and flow, just like the river. And, when two people dip into the river, they never step into it at the same place at the same time.
If we over analyze how we are going to solve the problem, then the chances that we will be taken by surprise by a consequence in a conflict is almost guaranteed. People and situations are fluid from minute to minute, hour to hour.
  •  Just ask any first responder.
  •  Just ask any first grade teacher.
  •  Just ask any personal trainer.
 However, this fact does not free us from the responsibility to engage in the tough tactical and strategic skill building practices that will help us be able to harness the power of the creativity in the unintended consequence, as well as the intended consequence.
So, the challenge question on Monday becomes: What is stopping you from acknowledging your weaknesses in your strategic approach to the consequences of conflicts in your life?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

[Opinion] The Conflict Games

The most raw experiences participants and audiences still have in the world is the experiences they share in the arena of sports.

In an era where most of the news is known before it can even be digested, the realm of sports offers people an opportunity to experience something almost unknown these days: the unknowable outcome.

Will she make the jump over the horizontal pole, or not?

Which car will cross the finish line first without crashing?

Will the team who has an undefeated record lose this week?

The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

Unknowable outcomes move people with the drama, the action and suspense of story, without all the prefabricated feel of false entertainment. And when we live in an era where “reality stars” appear to be ever more fake and ludicrous, sports offers hope of seeing a genuine person perform well—or fail miserably.

We read an article recently about the growing popularity of cross fit in the United States and a trainer was quoted as saying: “There’s no bullshit in sports. Either you can lift the weight or you can’t. You say that you can deadlift 450lbs, well then let’s put on the plates and see.”

Brilliant analysis.

It also applies to conflicts.

Conflict and peace are unpredictable and, much like sports, just when you think that you know the score or the outcome, someone, or something, can sneak in for the win or the tie.

In a conflict, there’s plenty of bupkiss floating around, and its tough when the stories we tell (which are heavier than any weight we could possibly deadlift) are piled on the bar. And then, the people opposite us may tell us that “Either you can lift it or you can’t.”

But the unknowable outcome still drives us in sport and in conflict. So, we here at HSCT have a proposal: What if we had an Olympic Games for conflict management, peace building, coalition forming, collaborative law and conflict resolution?

Would anyone show up to watch that thrill and agony?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Don’t Take on a Client Who Can’t Answer These 7 Questions

As a conflict consultant, mediator, conflict coach or a motivational speaker, are you continually frustrated when you arrive at a clients’ business and they immediately hit you with a problem that they want solved cheaply, immediately and permanently?

The_Self_Determination_Of_Experts

They want you to come in, put on a Band-Aid and then leave, but not before answering these questions laid out here http://tinyurl.com/q9ef9no.and if you can’t, then getting thrown out of the door. Or never getting a callback on a project that you know your skills would be perfect for.

And if you can’t answer them to the client’s satisfaction, then you risk getting thrown out of the door.

Or never getting a callback on a project that you know your skills would be perfect for.

Meanwhile, as a professional with years of, not only academic experience, but also practical experience, you can tell from the decision maker’s, or gatekeeper’s, immediate description of the conflict or issue, that the problem is so much deeper. And that a cosmetic solution is not going to work.

And that a cosmetic solution is not going to work.

Here are seven questions to ask they about their business that will help you weed through the clients who are seriously committed to changing their organizational cultures from those who are only committed to the now, the immediate and the solution that will keep them out of litigation.

  1. What kind of conflicts do you have in your business right now? Every business has conflicts: Between managers and managers, between employees and managers and between executives and management. If the client isn’t self-aware enough to acknowledge that honestly, then that’s a problem.
  1. How are your responses to conflicts living up to the core values of your business? Punting (avoidance), false empowerment of employees and managers (accommodation) or going to legal and then firing somebody (attack) are all responses to conflicts. Sometimes the responses are representative of true core values, not the ones published on the masthead.
  1. Have you ever failed personally at resolving a business conflict? Again, the decision maker or gatekeeper should have a certain level of self-awareness and accountability around all their business decisions: from the fun financial ones to the difficult personnel ones.
  1. What non-HR, non-legal related systems do you have in place currently to manage employee-employee and employee-supervisor conflicts? HR exists to understand laws and regulations, to engage in on-boarding new employees and to retain older employees. Legal exists to litigate, purely and simply. Neither of these departments in an organization are always useful for dealing with behavioral, cognitive based conflicts in a business.
  1. How do you let people go? Organizational cultures grow up around three areas: recruiting and hiring, training and retaining and firing and laying off employees. How the last area is addressed is key to understanding how deep organizational dysfunction goes.
  1. When was the last time you examined how you deal with conflicts in your business personally?This reads like a therapeutic question, but decision makers and gatekeepers are people first before anything else. And everybody learns how to address difficulty starting at home as a child.
  1. We have been talking for 45 minutes now, describe for me how you see me challenging your business culture to evolve and grow? Resolving conflicts, teaching new skills to employees and managers and addressing engagement requires businesses to evolve in their business models.

This is inherently a challenge, but such radical growth allows a company to shift in an economy increasingly built on a model of not only clients but also employees, acting as brand ambassadors on social media, word-of-mouth and in a collaborative economy.

And really, all of these questions, for you as a conflict resolution professional, should serve to provide you understanding and to answer the real question: Are the clients open to the hard, disruptive challenge of true, meaningful and lasting change, or do they just want a cosmetic, Band-Aid application?

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email:jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter:www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

On 100 Posts, Or Post #101

Today is a milestone for the Human Services Consulting and Training Communication Blog and for myself, Jesan Sorrells.
Today marks the day that I have crossed the threshold of 100 posts on my blog here. I have chased the dragon and it has been tiring, sometimes dispiriting but always informative.
Image Courtesy of Hubspot.com
I have relentlessly tracked analytics and some of my posts, no matter how well written, have attracted only minimal attention. 
While others, written in the spur of the moment—in an airport, on a rugby field, at a party, scribbled into a moleskin after having a drink—have been the most viewed ones here on my blog.
In my 100 post journey I have learned that images matter, ideas and concepts must resonate, and that calls to action are easier written than done.
I have learned that cross posting to Facebook is sometimes a fool’s game and that Twitter can be a blogger’s best friend.
I have learned that LinkedIn rewards those who spend time nurturing a relationship with her and that sometimes just talking about peace isn’t quite enough.
I have learned that 200 words is about the extent of an attention span in a blog post and that if I’m going to ever write a book about all of this, it’ll have to start here first.
Who’s with me to the 200th?
-Peace Be With You All-
 
Jesan Sorrells, MA 
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
“Like” the https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining page on Facebook
Follow our Principle Consultant, Jesan Sorrells, on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
Email HSCT questions or comments at:hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Check out HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

[Advice] Should You Teach as a Consultant?


Is consulting a collaborative process?
Is teaching a collaborative process?
Does peace building provide an opportunity to impact a maximum number of people?
Do we live in a collaborative, connection based economy?
Do you need to spread the word about your talents and skills and cut through noise and distraction?
The answer to all of these questions is YES!
And the best way to accomplish all of these is by collaborating with your local technical, community, junior or four-year college.

The revenue of connection is the only one that counts in the “new normal.”

 
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA 
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
“Like” the https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining page on Facebook
Follow our Principle Consultant, Jesan Sorrells, on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
Email HSCT questions or comments at:hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Check out HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

How Do You Design a System?

Typically a consultant, or mediator, is called.

More likely than not after she’s answered some critical questions http://bit.ly/17Eb6icthat are integral to her success with her client’s conflict issues.
She walks into the organization and meets with the upper management. Sometimes the C-Level folks, but usually they don’t get in on the act until later.
She listens and takes notes, asks important questions and looks for opportunities to generate a positive outcome.
She prepares a report, usually only a few pages in length, outlining the primary conflicts and players in an organization, the nature of the culture of the organization and possible solutions that could be generated.
 She floats the paperwork, quotes a price for continuing, and then waits…
And waits…
And waits some more…
Eventually, the upper management calls her back and, if another project isn’t taking too much of her valuable time, she goes back to the organization and gets to work.
At this point it would be convenient and effective to talk to the employees—from the janitor’s closet to the executive suite—about the issues, the conflicts and the cultures present in the organization.
However, this does not always happen and without the support of the entire organizational structure, typically the corporate executive folks in all of the divisions, from human resources to finance, good cultural design changes cannot occur.
Typically, a consultant will work most closely with the legal folks and the human resources division and will never see anyone from any other part of the structure.
Top-down conflict resolution systems with established internal features try to be swift, impartial, fair, confidential, simple and above all inexpensive.
But when was the last time that a top-down solution to a statutory (or non-statutory) organizational conflict worked to the satisfaction of all of those involved?
Then, typically, a consultant, or mediator, is called…

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

Cui Bono? Who Benefits From Systems Design

NonVerbal Communication

  • Businesses like human resource departments.
  • Businesses like lawyers and law firms.
  •  Businesses like profits and positive media attention.
  •  Businesses don’t like bad press.
  •  Businesses don’t like lawsuits.
  •  Businesses don’t like regulations, changes or business environment uncertainty.
So, why don’t more businesses have a system, or systems, in place to effectively resolve conflict?
Firing somebody is not always an optimal solution.
Demoting somebody does not solve a problem.
Ignoring and whitewashing issues does not decrease media attention or focus. In fact, it may actually increase the attention.
In a world where everyone is increasingly connected and “on” almost all of the time, it’s more profitable in the long term for a culture to be developed in an organization that allows for conflict—and conflict based issues—to be resolved, rather than ignored, paid-off or hushed up.
But how can businesses get there, from where they are now?
Systems design is the linchpin to developing a coherent and integrated overall organizational culture that can build healthy teams, increase productivity and employee engagement, and increase profits and revenues in the long term.
Culture matters, and in large or small organizations, where multiple people come from multiple backgrounds, representing multiple cultures, intercultural communication can only happen effectively, when an organizational culture exists that promotes openness, honesty and healthy conflict.
Workplace bullying, demotions, loss of productivity, lack of effective forward motion, these are all symptoms of a greater disease. And in a world of brand based, connective media, symptoms can spread a disease faster than any inoculations can stop it.
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com

On Liberty, Wikileaks and Sullen Paranoia

“We in this country, in this generation, are — by destiny rather than choice — the watchmen on the walls of world freedom.” John F. Kennedy
In America, we pride ourselves on freedom, first amendment rights and the ability to have extensive privacy protection.

Yet, Wikileaks, Edward Snowden, Bradley Manning, Big Data and other intersections between the government and corporations sharing information to either get us to buy more, spend more, or to just watch us more, has put to lie some of these freedoms.

Enough Americans still see this country as the “Home of the Brave,” but less and less so over the last few years.

However, there is nothing that couldn’t be recaptured about the freedom to be left alone, inherent in our American freedoms, by replacing a few legislative leaders and by rethinking how we look at the cultural and social implications of privacy.

Two articles, one from Jules Polonetsky  and one from Peggy Noonan make the point that, while personal-public behavior may change in the short-term, due to surveillance and monitoring, in the long term, such efforts serve to create a nation of, in essence, sullen, paranoid, people: Angry and pessimistic at being watched constantly, but unable to stop it and believing that it is everywhere.

The balance between the result of every click, search and posting being held against me and government and corporations being able to interrupt me constantly with marketing and appeals to buy or support more and more stuff, has not been worked out fully in the American public sphere yet.

Fortunately for all of us, the American public will figure out how to resolve the tensions in this conflict, long before the laggards and late-majority in governments—local, state and federal—will.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

On Getting Skilled Art for Free


“Art is a personal act of courage, something one human does that creates change in another.”
― Seth Godin
Volunteering is a great thing. 
Volunteers built the prohibition movement and the feminist movement that sprang out of it. 
Volunteerism has driven the establishment of non-profit organizations and associations that perform good deeds every day in this country. 
Volunteers marched on Washington and had dogs and hoses turned on them to break Jim Crow.
In the interests of full disclosure, the principal consultant here at HSCT volunteers for two great local organizations in the Southern Tier.
But, at a certain point, for certain things, no one wants a volunteer to show up. 
No one wants their case taken by a volunteer lawyer, though local Legal Aid societies do tremendous work for people who cannot afford legal protection in any other context.
No one wants a building constructed by a volunteer architect, engineer, or construction worker. Oh sure, a couple of college kids showing up to build a Habitat for Humanity house is fine, but having them design the build is another thing altogether.
No one wants a volunteer psychiatrist prescribing psychotropic drugs or recommending therapies for severe mental health issues.
We hire professionals in all of these areas.
So, the core question becomes: Why do organizations, businesses, associations and individuals continue to recommend, advise and, in some cases demand, that the only way to successfully resolve a conflict is to “get a volunteer mediator?”
The mediation process is at least as intense and involved as the legal process, the mental health process, the building and design process or the surgical process.   
Mediation is about reaching inside the most intimate process a person can go through—a conflict—and helping guide two people toward whatever resolution they desire to get to.
This is Art. Worthy to be paid for.
So, why are there over 20,000 volunteers in this country alone, doing work that—if it were in another field—would be highly paid for?
Is it because everybody knows how to resolve conflict?
Is it because no one needs conflicts resolved?
Is it because people and organizations don’t know that mediation and conflict resolution exists?
We here at HSCT postulate that the reason there are a plethora of volunteers in the field of mediation is for two reasons:
Too many people think that they can mediate a conflict. This is best summed up in the phrase “Well, how hard could mediation be,” or “Can’t Judy in HR do it? She’s pretty good at resolving conflicts?”
Which leads into the second reason:  The skills of a professional mediator, active listening, finding a third way, developing a negotiated agreement, etc., etc., are seen more as being a subsets of other professional skills and not as true artistic skills to be learned and practiced—and paid for—on a regular basis.
We here at HSCT believe that the combination of skills, training, education, experiences, and—well, life—is worth paying a pretty penny for.  And we believe that more organizations, institutions, associations, corporations, businesses—and even governments—would do well to pay a salary to either a consultant with the specific mediation skills to help them.  Or, create positions that will allow individuals to facilitate the development of the mediation field, both now and in the future.
And, mediation as a field should begin to make the argument—as fast as is humanly possible—that the skills of mediation are worth paying for. Before too many more graduates from Masters and Doctoral programs are compelled to volunteer to practice their art, and work full-time doing something else to feed their families.
-Peace Be With You All-
Jesan Sorrells, MA 
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Follow our Principal Consultant, Jesan Sorrells, on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
Connect with HSCT on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
Email HSCT questions or comments at: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Check out HSCT’s website: http://hsconsultingandtrain.wix.com/hsct

On Leads, Or How to Sell What Clients and Organizations Don’t Think They Need

No one needs help resolving conflicts.

#NoOneNeedsConflictResolved

People need help communicating. People need help leading and figuring out leadership. People need help managing other people. People need help with figuring out “how to talk to annoying Aunt Janet and Uncle Mike.”

But no one needs help resolving conflicts.

When put on the spot, 9 times out of 10, people will be unable to identify a conflict they are having in their life, that is impacting them at a level where they may need conflict engagement skills services.

However, the person standing next to them—wife, husband, friend, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew—will be able to zero in on where the person is deficient in their approach to a conflict.

But, it’s not the person standing next to the person who can’t think of a conflict they need help with that’s the problem: The problem is that the dysfunction of unresolved conflicts is so normalized that it’s no longer seen as a problem.

Case in point:

Him: “So, what’s your business?”

Me: “I’m a professional conflict engagement consultant. I help small businesses, higher education organizations and churches engage with the conflicts in their lives.”

Him: “So, can I get your card?”

Me: “Sure.”

Him: “So, I guess I would bring you in say if I had problems managing the 40 or so staff members that work for me?”

Me: “That’s precisely where I would be the most help for you.”

Wife: “Hey!” “He could help you out with the argument you had with your daughter this morning!”

Him: “What am I gonna do, huh!? She’s gotta come into work at least once a week. I understand that she’s got an issue, but c’mon already!”

They both laugh. The wife rolls her eyes. They walk back into the restaurant.

No one needs conflict resolved in their lives. Until they actually do.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/