The Raindrop Delusion

Conflicts come about from differences people have about what matters and what doesn’t.

What matters and what doesn’t can cover areas such as:

Resources
Emotions
Situations with other people

When people work 40-80 hours a week with people that they did not pick, hire or choose to associate with, there are going to be conflicts and disagreements circling around the three above areas.

By the way, we recently heard this statement:

“I worked for 35 years in the corporate world and I never had any of the problems with other people that you talk about solving.”

This statement, while one which we here commonly, is a sign that either:

The person making the statement causes most conflict in their lives and is unaware of it,

The person making the statement tends to avoid or accommodate others in conflict situations and is therefore unaware of conflict,

The person is hopelessly delusional.

Now, the great Zig Ziglar once noted that “no one raindrop blames itself for the flood.” We here at HSCT would add that conflicts tend to arise after a deluge of raindrops has fallen.

In the workplace, the deluge can seem overwhelming to those trapped in conflicts in employment situations not of their making.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th is sandwiched between Thursday the 12th and Saturday the 14th.

Friday the 13th

There is nothing more mystical about the date than that.

However, like most arbitrary dates in the modern world, there seems to have been no issue with the date before the 19th century.

Friggatriskaidekaphobia is “fear of Friday the 13th” so, it does have the benefit of having a long, complicated sounding name attached to it.

We here at Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT) take the long view however, and wonder, what Thursday the 12th must feel like.

Or, Saturday the 14th.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

Too Clever For Our Own Good: How The Third Person Effect Makes Us Vulnerable To Persuasion Techniques

This guest post is written by David James Bawden. David James is an up and coming Marketing Assistant at SPL International. His ideas on content marketing and perspectives are his own and do not necessarily represent those of SPL International. Follow him on Twitter and read his blog at http://doingthingsdigitally.com/

How easily do you find yourself persuaded by adverts? When lynx tells you that their new deodorant will have women flocking to you do you feel a sudden need to rush out to buy lynx? Or do you find yourself wondering who these obvious sales techniques actually work on? Insulted that the company running the advert thinks so little of your intelligence?

This reaction, thinking that adverts influence the intangible ‘other’ more than they influence yourself is known as the third person principal and it actually makes you dangerously susceptible to persuasion techniques.

Psychological studies have shown that when watching an advert proven to be highly persuasive to them, people have dismissed the effect on themselves but said they believe that the advert would be persuasive to ‘other people’.

This effect is amplified when the person sees the subject as being of little or no relevance to themselves meaning you are more likely to be influenced when forced to think about something you previously had no interest in.

Clearly there is a danger here. By dismissing an adverts power to persuade out of hand we are making ourselves more open to the message that advert is trying to get across. Instead of looking down on the none existent ‘others’ we should be more aware of how marketing messages affect us and understand exactly what power they have to influence us.

David James Bawden

-Peace Be With You All-

HIT Piece 06.10.2014

“…but I would have liked to have been asked!”

This statement typically…

…comes from the ego…
…comes from a fear of being left out, left behind, or not given consideration…
…covers a situation that says nothing about the other person’s selfishness, lack of consideration, caring, etc., and says everything about the person making the statement and their insecurities.

I have often completed a complaint with this phrase.

I have been fearful, anxious, insecure and not consulted often.

Sometimes, this has led to more conflict as I have reacted, rather than responded.

I’m trying to catch myself and do better.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

Would You Rather Be Right or Be Reconciled?

A Christian approach to peacemaking revolves around three behavioral encouragements that are very simple to talk and to write about, by very hard to practically accomplish.

Believers are encouraged to confront first one at a time, then in two’s, then in the sight of the church.
Believers are encouraged to confront in love and to seek understanding first, rather than judgment.
Believers are encouraged to avoid confronting in the law first (via litigation) and to instead confront in the Spirit.

Think about how often we get into conflicts—in the workplace, in our families, even in our churches—and how rarely we exercise the first step of positive confrontation.

The initial step is hard, confrontation, because we would sometimes rather be right, than be reconciled.

But when we favor “rightness” over reconciliation, we do not allow the better angels of our nature to truly work on our hearts.

Would you rather be right, or be reconciled?

[See: KJV Matthew 5:21-26; Luke 17:3-4; Romans 12:18; Matthew 18:15-17]

-Peace Be With You All-

June 6, 1944: 70 Years Later

“I’ll see you on the beach!”

And with that, Tom Hanks shepherds us through Steven Spielberg’s 1998 film, Saving Private Ryan, about the D-Day landings and the aftermath of them, for a squad of soldiers.

70 years ago today, the Normandy Landings occurred, without which we would not have the pleasure of blogging for you every day.

D-Day was important as was the aftermath.

The efforts of the Russians on the Eastern Front were in some ways, even more important than the events of D-Day.

Without the Normandy Landings, here are a few things we might have missed in the 20th century:

Postwar economic expansion
The rise of nuclear power
African American Civil Rights
The rights of women being codifed into law
The scourge of Communism
The Internet coming to commercial viability
And so on, and so on, and so on…

It is notoriously difficult to counterfactualize history, because we only know what did happen, and can never know what could have happened.

But to the grandparents and great-grandparents who did lay down their lives on those beaches, on this day, June 6, 1944, we here at HSCT would like to say thank you for laying down your lives on the altar of liberty.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

Pajama Based Coding

Are you wasting your time?

This is the interesting summation that Michael Tomeson came to in his Forbes article from a couple of weeks ago.

In doing work that can never be compensated for, to help build something for a corporation who will take it and make profit off of it—but not share any of it with you—you are, in essence wasting your time.

This is a classic conclusion that bubbles up from the depths of the old, Industrial based economic thinking, where every piece of effort to make a widget can be monetized, categorized and codified.

The application of scientific management for labor and profit, if you will.

We here at HSCT don’t believe that you’re wasting your time. Nor are we cynical enough to believe that you would rather help a corporation than help your fellow man.

We do believe that the economic, cultural and social rules are being rewritten, and the next trick to be played will be on all of those systems that insist on being non-symbolic, highly regulated and impervious to any disruptions.

You know, the kind of disruptions that encourage you to sit in your pajamas and code for free while having to go “work” for a big-box retailer for minimum wage.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

3 Organizations Operating on Scarcity

Some companies don’t believe that they will be impacted by the sharing economy. Hey Im at a Call Center

Some organizations and associations believe that they will continually be allowed to “skate by” operating with a scarcity based model.

Some of these organizations exist in the area of public utilities (i.e. gas, electric, water, etc.), public governance (i.e. state and local governments) and big brands (i.e. hotels, car dealers, certain media companies).

They believe that their large size will insulate them from the disruptions that the Internet and that social media have already created in other areas of the economy.

Public utilities believe that they will be saved by government regulation from having to collaborate and connect with customers on prices, processes, accessibility, affordability, etc.
Public governance believes that since they have everyone’s tax dollars, they will be insulated as they have been under the old rules of an industrial economy, from competitive market forces.
Big brands believe that their lobbying, cash and influence will allow them to buy, bribe or force out the smaller, swifter competitors and keep the market positions that they have had for the last century.

They are all wrong.

We are in the midst of a cultural, social, political and economic evolution.

We are reverting back to the time of tribal connections, based on Twitter and Instagram and collaborative problem solving through openness, transparency and authenticity.

This is a golden opportunity to explore the conflicts between the old and the new and to help resolve them in favor of everybody.

So…who’s going to step up? I’m already doing my part…

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

HSCT Retreats From Repealing Conflict Question

“How many people in this room have a conflict in their lives?”

We ask this question as part of our 30 second elevator speech describing who we are, what we do and what our approach to conflict is here at HSCT, every time we stand up at a networking event.

From rooms as small as four people to rooms with as many as one hundred people, no one yet has raised their hands.

We’ll keep asking, but, we recall that, even back into Biblical times, conflict existed.

James, Jesus’ brother pointed out in his gospel (4:1-3) that wars and fightings occur among people because of the desires (in the original King James version, the word used is “lusts”) that do battle inside of us.

And yet, no one ever raises their hand.

Poor—or no—communication leads to conflict.
Differences in priorities, values, goals, talents and opinions lead to conflict.
Competition over perceived limited resources leads to conflict.
And,of course, knowing what to do, and doing the opposite, leads to conflict. In the Bible, this is called “sin.”

Sometimes the worst types of conflicts, such as—well—wars and fightings, come about because of sinful actions, desires and behaviors.

So why are so many people unwilling to answer the question we pose honestly?

Well, it’s hard to admit that conflict exists, particularly if the person admitting to it doesn’t perceive there to be a conflict.

It’s also hard if the other party refuses to acknowledge that there is even a problem in the first place.

Finally, admitting to having a conflict requires us to be vulnerable, and there is no place we’d rather not be vulnerable, than in front of our peers at a networking event.

So, we’ll ask at the end of this blog post:

“How many people in this room have a conflict in their lives?”

[Thanks to Ken Sande. Check out his book here.]

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

[Advice] The Realities of Bootstrapping

Here’s what the eponymous “they” don’t tell the massive, faceless “you” about bootstrapping a project.

The most stressful part of bootstrapping is that the creditors call all the time:

They call about the mortgage payment that’s late.
They call about the credit card bill you haven’t paid yet.
They call about the 10,000 other little bills that pile up in a life because you “needed” that thing, that one time.

Or your kids did.

Or your neighbor needed to see that you had it.

One of the most telling examples from a film that parallels a bootstrappers’ existence, was from The Company Men, starring Ben Affleck (yeah…we know) and a few other actors.

Ben plays a guy who got laid off from a nice cushy, corporate job, and won’t take a step down in lifestyle, so he keeps driving the luxury vehicle, even as his much clearer wife sells everything around him to make the mortgage payment.

And then, they sell the house and wind up sleeping in his parent’s basement.

That’s the reality of bootstrapping. Except with a lot more “I-Told-You-So’s” from your relatives in who’s basement you may be eating ramen.

There is a growing amount of attention being paid to entrepreneurs who commit suicide. Or die early. Or get divorced. Or have substance abuse problems.

Bootstrapping means that you get the creditor phone calls, but you also get:

The looks from your wife as you try to explain that spending money on this piece of equipment was worth missing a meal
The experience of deciding that your kids need to eat this month, and so liability insurance can wait another month—hopefully no one sues you and takes the house
The moment when you’re at a networking event and you’re eyeing the salad bar closer than you’re eyeing the potential client in front of you because you haven’t eaten today—and might not eat tomorrow.

And no one cares. Not your creditors. Not the bank. Not your kids. Not your parents. And we won’t even get into your own grinding self-doubt about your own level of responsibility for all of this.

This isn’t the stuff that makes it into the business books.

This is the face of bootstrapping.

And after you’ve started down the road to building a project, your pride, ego and a stubborn, bull headed belief in your project is the only thing that allows you to ignore the ringing phone, put the ear buds back in, and go back to grinding out another product

Or sales call
Or mini-project
Or marketing strategy

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
HSCT’s website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com