Seduced by the ZMOT

There is a zero moment of truth.

Google researched this a few years ago, and the upshot of the idea is, that, due to the amount of content we are consuming on a daily basis, the modern Western consumer has so many more options to try and research before they buy.

There are other elements that tie into this, including the brand being what customers says that it is and advice to brands on how to avoid interruptive advertising, but the idea remains relevant for us in the conflict fields.

For practitioners and participants in the process of conflict, the nature of change and attaining the skills to be successful at managing conflict and change, there is a zero moment of truth as well.

We talked a little bit about that in this post here, but it remains indicative of our modern day that the zero moment of truth—the moment at which we decide to pre-shop our notions, read and get advice from others, watch a conflict video on line, or ask questions of other individuals—for conflict practitioners, is a moment of great impact.

But for participants in conflict, there seems to be a dearth of materials and resources, leading to the ultimate moment of truth, where conflict participants attempt resolution themselves, and may succeed, fail or just surrender.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

HIT Piece 02.17.2015

Making a mistake is not that hard.

As a matter of fact, we do it all the time as human beings.

But the importance of mistakes, failures, or only accomplishing part of our goals, is not always acknowledged positively because, we fear vulnerability as adults.

In the business and corporate world, we still give lip service to the idea of the importance of failing, but the majority of us still work in systems, dedicated to the process—and following it to never fail.

I fail all the time.

I am also struggling to be vulnerable and authentic in this blog, when I present and facilitate and when I work through interviews with guests on my podcast.

But I’m not there yet.

And yet, like many of you out there, I am still making mistakes.

-Peace Be With You All-

The Abstraction of Focus

Time, much like values, beliefs, emotions and even the intellect, is an abstraction. In the agricultural past, humanity measured the passage of time by the sun, the moon and the changing of the seasons.

Before industrialization commoditized time as a thing that could be measured in finite amounts, European and Asian explorers took to the seas navigating, first by the stars, then by the clock.

But in our post-industrial world, where everyone is engaged in the cult of busyness, managing the abstraction of time has become a daunting task. This leads many of us to feel inadequate, unfocused and out of balance.

Attaining focus is one of the three key elements in the battle to manage time, followed by mindfulness and managing distractions that come in the form of other people.

Focus and attention—from a psychological perspective—are getting scarcer in our post-modern world, rather than time, which remains a constant. Recognizing the fact of scarcity of focus in our world and ruthlessly pursuing the attaining of focus is worth attempting to cultivate for long-term internal and external success.

-Peace Be With You All-

The Multitasking Myth

Multitasking is a myth for many, many reasons, but the one fact that is worthy of focus, is that managing multiple tasks at the same time is exactly that–a mistaken management tecnique that nueroscience has debunked.

Task management is not multitasking. The human mind can only really focus on one thing at a time, biologically and psychologically, we are wired to be narrowly focused.

This is what got us, as a species, from the Great Plains of Africa, hunting wild game in coordinated groups, to managing customer service departments with irate customers on the phone at major corporations.

And in a world of seven second attention spans, and stimulus reward systems based in electronic tools that update with vibrations, beeps and blinking lights, believing in the efficacy of the multitasking myth is mentally and emotionally deadly.

-Peace Be With You All-

A Distinction With A Difference

The savvy conflict consultant isn’t afraid of the hardship of the “beans and rice” life that has to be lived while building their peace building project.

They aren’t afraid to bootstrap their way to success.

And we’re not talking about millionaire status here, we’re actually talking about making enough money in this economy to pay the mortgage (or rent), keep the lights on and feed themselves and their family regularly.

If the savvy peace builder is bootstrapping, that’s the true difference between them, and the peace builder who bets it all on the market with one big shot—and either takes a loan out to fund their project, or tries to develop a funding scheme involving other parties.

The thing to remember is that bootstrapping your project allows you to waste less psychic, emotional, psychological and even financial energy on the risk that doesn’t matter (the money) to focus all of your energies on the risk that do matter (building peace in a broken world).

-Peace Be With You All-

“I Don’t Believe You. This Stuff Can’t Really Work.”

…yes, it actually does.

but you have to want it to work more than you want whatever technique you are currently employing to “resolve” your situation.

And, if you like what you’re getting, then no amount of engagement, active listening, or prompting toward empathy is going to move your needle.

Other people can only take you 99% of the way. Going that last 1% (or first 1%, depending upon where you’re standing) is up to you.

-Peace Be With You All-

Jesan Sorrells, MA
Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email HSCT: hsconsultingandtraining@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/

(D) x (V) x (F) > R…

….where, of course, the R (Resistance) is a constant.

When was the last time that dissatisfaction, a vision for change and quantifiable first steps were greater than R in your organization?

Conflict as a process is change.

But people in organizations become so comfortable with the outcomes of the conflict process—that is disputes—and their outcomes—that is dysfunction—that R remains a constant.

Think back to your immediate family.

How long has R been around about conflicts that matter?

Now, in an organization, where familial ties do not bind, how much stronger—and constant—is R when it comes to real, meaningful innovation?

You know, the kind that involves people, not software…

Jesan Sorrells, MA

Principal Conflict Engagement Consultant
Human Services Consulting and Training (HSCT)
Email: jsorrells@hsconsultingandtraining.com
About.me: http://about.me/Jesan_Sorrells
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sorrells79
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HSConsultingandTraining
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jesansorrells/
Website: http://www.hsconsultingandtraining.com

The One Limitation on Greatness

The one thing that destroys most negotiations is differing assumptions around value, resources and time.

One party may view resources as limited, value as scarce and time as a precious commodity to never be wasted.

The other party may view resources as approaching abundant, time as flexible and thoughts of value may never enter into their mind.

The destruction happens when one party cares little to nothing about attempting to enter the “headspace” of the other party, in order to see things from a different frame of reference.

They may lack patience, empathy, understanding or even the personal willpower to make that cognitive and emotional leap.

This is why there are so few diplomats, business “moguls,” great salespeople and great orators. It’s also why from the boardroom to the living room, life is littered with the corpses of failed negotiations.

The issue is not tactics—which everybody wants more of—but strategies—which require weeks, months and years to get right.

-Peace Be With You All-

The Roots of Conflict – Biblical Edition

Conflict is a process that allows for changes to happen. It is inevitable because our world has a sin problem from which all our other problems flow like water from the rock.

Conflict grows because we are different and we view our differences through a frame—or prism—of selfishness, rather than selflessness and with a lack of self-awareness of the needs of others.

We see this illustrated in the Bible in several places, most notably, in John 16:33, Acts 15:36-41, Philippians 4 and James 4:1-3.

Between Christians, conflict can be managed, but not necessarily resolved, because conflict is normal and will never go away. There are other people in the world , with their own deeply held philosophies, baked in personalities, and rock ribbed interpretations of the way the world should work. And that will always separate us at a fleshly level.

There are a few things that we can do to manage conflicts better:

Separate people from positions: People are not the problem. The emotions that we have around them are the problem. The position that another individual holds about the problem can be addressed separately from the person. Remember that emotions around the problem and the position that the other person has taken about the problem cause disputes to grow in our hearts.
Use “I” statements: “I” feel, “I” want, “I” am…any sentences that begin with “I” statement perform two critical actions: They diffuse the problem and expose the emotions under the problem. “I” statements also create ownership of your emotions around the problem.
Engage with empathy: When you work from the neck up, you miss a lot. Tactics and strategy to approach another person in conflict are laid out in Matthew 18:15-17 are logical. Emotions are messier and more difficult to address. Empathy requires dealing with our own emotions and being tuned into what is going on inside of us, and also focusing on what’s going on with the other person.

God requires us to be “other-centered.” And in a fallen, self-centered world, it is difficult to operate in grace, forgiveness and with self-awareness.

But at no other time in the history of the world has there ever been a better time to start.

-Peace Be With You All-

[Advice] What to Do When You have Issues…

…and you will.

There will be days when no one will take your cold calls, your warm calls, or even a hot call.

There will be days when the family, the children, the house and other distractions will seem to crowd out the endless stream of productive work that you know you have to do.

There will be days when you will get angry/depressed/despondent/melancholy and it will seem to others that are outside of your internal mental circus that you are actually not all that engaged with reality.

There will be days when, no matter how many accolades and “thank yous” you will receive, they will seem to roll off of your back in the face of mounting debts, panic and fear of imminent failure.

On the days that the conflict consultant has these issues, she should push back from the table, take a break and go have coffee with a trusted friend or colleague.

Physical activity also helps, in taking a walk, or going for a run.

Finally, on the days when the committed conflict consultant has issues the most important thing to remember is that this too, shall pass.

-Peace Be With You All-